Summer of my Soldier
by Emmeline Rose
Summary: It is the year 1939, and life is perfect for the newlywedded Edward and Bella. Too perfect. When World War II breaks out and a draft calls Edward into duty, their lives are shattered. What will Bella do when Edward's letters suddenly come to an end?
1. Happily Ever After

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. Duh, if I did I would not be writing _fan_fiction.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 1- Happily Ever After

I screamed and laughed as I was lifted off of my feet. Strong, gentle arms wrapped around my legs and back, leaving the only reason to wrap my arms around his neck was for sheer pleasure, not necessity. His brilliantly white teeth sparkled in his beaming smile, allowing rumbling laughter through his lips, echoing my own. My feet kicked the air as children do, for I felt as youthful and care-free as the newest generation. There was only one day's happiness that could possibly rival this, however that day, there had been hundreds of people watching us, and here, it was just him and I.

Carefully, my new husband side-stepped through the threshold, taking caution so as not to bump my head or legs on the door frame. Elegant and graceful as he was, especially in comparison to me, it was humerous to watch him take such short, staccato steps while peering around me, as one does when they park a new automobile. This of course, only shattered my abdomen with shaking laughter, making me gasp for air.

Once inside, he set me down on my feet, only I stayed propped up on my toes, making my lips nearly level with his. He bent his neck down to meet my kiss, and my fingers curled through his bronze-colored hair. As we broke our embrace, our eyes resumed our lock on the other, his glistening green orbs reflecting those of the color of chocolate that I knew belonged to me. The same expression was alight in these windows to our souls--bliss. Sheer, exponential joy and excitement at their fullest.

Our shoulders dropped as we sighed in contentedness, for nothing could make this moment any more significant than it already was. The floral scents of spring swirled through the air that was now light and heavenly in its perfume, the morning dew still lay beaded on the grass as the puffy clouds of white were scattered in the sky. It had not been a clear day in the town of Forks, Washington in over a year, and today was more than worthy. The radiant sun had burned away the rain and fog for our return, it seemed, as it had the day we had wed.

His hand clasped around mine as he leaned backward to turn the dial on the radio that sat on the cramped table beside the couch. Since the death of my father, Charlie Swan, we had been living in the house of my childhood, packing boxes and sending his things to his friends as his will directed. The room was cluttered with lists and papers, boxes and wrappings, leaving very little room for personal affects before we would eventually sell this house that had once been my home. We were not obliged by the court or anyone for that matter, to list the house on the market, but the walls echoed the memories that had taken place here, and I was unsure of how distracting this sadness could be in such a happy time in my life.

The man whom I loved with all my heart tuned the radio to our favored station, and as the saxophones and pianos and violins began to sway and play, our feet began to move in harmony. Though he was a far greater dancer than myself, and that the simple steps he had taught to me were infinitely too advanced for me, as we swayed to the gentle rhythm, I could think of no handsomer sight than this. I inhaled deeply at the sweet scent that was weaved into his coat jacket, the scent that was embedded into one of our pillows and one side of our sheets.

"Happy to be back, Mrs. Edward Anthony Cullen?" The voice envied by a choir of angels rippled strings of vibrations through his chest on which my head lay.

"Happy to be back with you, Mr. Cullen." He twirled me by my hand, and when we came together again, we were closer than before. As the song closed in a heavenly note, he dipped me to the floor, and his lips found mine and moved in synchronised movements.

"Perhaps we should continue packing?" Edward asked after he lifted me back to standing upright once more.

"Must we so soon? We have just arrived home." I protested, and wondered the reasoning behind it.

"Oh, my Bella, I wish so much to laze about with you, truly, however, it would spoil the evening I had planned for us." His lips curled into a smile, and my curiosity was peaked.

"May I have a hint as to your plans?" I asked coyly.

"We will be together tonight, and that is all I will tell. In order to do this right, I must ask you to entertain yourself for the rest of the day."

"You worry me, Edward."

"Trust me, my love. You shall not regret this."

"What is it you suggest I occupy myself with while you go about your business?" My stubbornness had been released. After all, we had just arrived from our honeymoon, and I was expected to spend this time apart from him in this house of sadness? I hated surprises, and he knew this. It must really be a magnificent plan he had been working on if he would risk irritating me.

"Hmm. Something special. Have your hair done, buy a new dress, bring home a few stacks of books.." With his last suggestion, he had won me.

"I could use a new addition to my library...though I hate dress shopping, is there something in specific I should purchase?" Edward held both my hands in his and held me close.

"A cocktail dress. That is all that I will say." He was silent for a moment, and then continued. "I really do hate to leave you, my love, but it must be done. You will approve of my absence after the night is over."

"If you say so." He gave me one last, departing kiss, and he walked me out of the house. "I certainly hope you redeem yourself this evening, or it shall be the couch for you!" I threatened, though ineffectively, for I had never been very intimidating, if at all.

"You can be assured of that, my dear." And with that, I found myself mounting my bicycle heading to town. I concentrated on the novels I would buy instead of how I had practically been evicted from my own house, and felt instantly better. Though I would never speak my thoughts out loud, I knew that the romantic that Edward was would certainly make up for it ten times over.

I leaned my bike against the outside wall of the library, thinking about the driving lessons Edward had been giving me, chuckling internally at my lack of talent behind the wheel. I strode through the walls of the store, glancing along at the various titles of both novels new and classics, though my mind strayed elsewhere than the stories and romances that filled the pages.

This was the sort of life I had dreamt of and prayed for since I had been a little girl, and it almost seemed too surreal for it actually to be granted to me. I was not nearly worthy of it, and that troubled me, keeping me up at night. I had not uttered a word to Edward about this, and blamed my insomnia to the recent family death, however it seemed that the excuse was wearing thin as time passed on and my sleep became less and less.

I shook off the pessimism, and surrendered my wandering thoughts back to the night ahead.

Hours passed by relentlessly, and faster than I would have expected. As he had wished, I bought a beautiful black-lace cocktail dress that would match my black heeled shoes. After making my way home with the new additions to my book shelf, _Wuthering Heights_, and _Dracula_, I found myself in a better mood. I entered my house to find it free from boxes and clutter, and figured out the need for me to be out of the house today. I peered into the other rooms, searching for Edward, but my eyes only rested on blank walls and dusty floors.

I made my way into my bedroom, and got myself changed. I checked the clock, and it already read half after six. A note had been left for me on my dresser in the elegant script that I knew so well. It read,

_My dearest Bella,_

_Be ready to leave at when the clock strikes seven, a taxi shall wait for you outside, paid and all. You wil be driven to where I await you. I have not yet left, and I already miss you terribly. As promised, I am making up for my absence. Until later, my love._

_Always yours,_

_Edward _

Beside it lay a rose of deeper red than the blood that ran through my veins. It smelled more lovely than the finest French perfume, and only one scent could rival it, only it was not entirely fair to the flower, for the scent that imprinted itself in all of the household fabrics--the smell of honey and lilac. The smell of my new husband. Hastily awaiting for the clock to strike the next hour, I fixed my curls and waves and pinned a white Barrett into it. After sliding my white pearl earrings through my skin, I slung the string of pearls around my neck that matched and snatched my black velvet clutch from the closet. It was the only accessory besides my jewelry box that remained inside the room.

I smiled to myself, and heard a honk from outside my porch. I flung myself awkwardly out the door and sat in the back of the cab. I prodded the driver for information pertaining to the whereabouts to which I was headed, only to find he had been sworn to secrecy. Of course. Edward was nothing if not thorough.

I was released at the outside of some sort of club, it seemed. Music seeped into the outside of the club, and upon hearing the tunes I knew that he had made up for it. At the door awaited the green-eyed beauty. He dressed in a black suit, and I wondered if he had either been a very good guesser as to the color of my dress, or if he had followed me to find out. That question seemed superfluous really, for all that mattered now was that we were together again.

"Mrs. Cullen." He said as he linked his arm around mine.

"Mr. Cullen." He led me to a table where there awaited two sodas. We had the best view in the house, that was not debatable. Music played in our favorite genre for hours, and I honestly tried to dance, only to fail miserably and end up paying for another couple's spilled drinks that laid broken on the floor on my account. Our feet slid across the floor, perfectly in tune, and perfectly in sync even if only with the other.

This was the life I had dreamed of. Edward and I, dancing into the rest of our lives. A strange feeling fell into my stomach at my next thought. This was the life I had dreamed of, that was for certain. However, it seemed unlike the life I was destined for. In the years previous to our meeting, it had been tumult and complications, and I saw no reason why the fact that I finally had what I wanted was going to change any of this.


	2. The Beginning of Letters

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. Duh.

Note: Please disregard the last chapter in the matter of their names. Edward's name should have been Masen, not Cullen. Sorry about the mistake!

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 2- The Beginning of Letters

I awoke in the morning by the time of my internal clock, with the warmth of the sun shining through the panes of the window by our bed. My head rested on Edward's shoulder, and our bodies were curved around the other's in a perfect match, like the swirling black and white figures of yin and yang. Stretching, my arm came to rest across his muscular chest, and though he pretended to remain in his slumber, a small smile gave away his lie. Turning myself over, I lay the left side of my body over his, and left my eyes open to absorb the the glow that lit his skin as the sun beat down its golden rays on him.

"Good morning." I whispered softly in his ear.

"Mmmm very good morning." He cooed, stroking my cheek with his thumb. Edward's arms wrapped around me, holding me tighter and closer than before, and as his lips brushed against my neck, just below my earlobe when the ringing of our telephone interrupted us. We groaned in unison as he rose from the bed, wrapping the throw blanket that had been tossed onto the floor around his bare form. I sat up on the soft, white linen sheets, holding them up above my exposed chest, and sliding my leg out from beneath it, making my pale skin visible to Edward. His eyes glazed along my body, and tore himself from the room as the third ring blared.

Smiling in satisfactorily teasing Edward, my hands raked through my matted curls, attempting to make my face look as tempting as the rest of me. In the next room, I heard my love answering the relentless phone.

"Masen residence...good morning Jasper...no, I have not, why do you ask?...Oh, oh I see...well, if you say that I should...of course...yes...good day to you Sir." His voice dropped into seriousness and...could it be sadness? His tone had changed from sheer happiness to a sound of regret, and a pit formed in my stomach. He came back into our room with his face sullen and silent. The green eyes that never ceased to shock me were clouded and distant, his shoulders were slumped and his forehead was crinkled in worry.

"What is the matter?" I asked as he sat back down on the bed, the blanket still wrapped around his lower half. He drew his hand to his head in thought, and the muscles in his back rippled with the motion.

"My darling, I beg you not to worry yourself, but that was Jasper on the phone. He received a letter in the mail about a week ago from the government. He-he has been called into the draft." My heart ceased to beat with his words that dripped in anguish. Edward and Jasper had been friends since they were in school, and were inseparable. After having been engaged to my love, I had actually grown quite fond of him. There had always been a sort of soothing air around Jasper, and his charisma made it easy to be friends with him.

Though I cared for Jasper Whitlock like a brother of mine, this was not what quickened my breaths and halted my heart. He was the same age as Edward, their strength similar, and their eyesight and hearing were perfect. Though I did not know the types of young men appliccable to be drafted, I knew that statistically speaking, Jasper and the man whom I could not live without were identical.

My lips were the last to respond. Racing into the closet, I threw on my undergarments faster than I ever have done before, slid a dress over my head, and stepped into my beige shoes within minutes. When I had nearly reached the door to the rest of my house, Edward's hand held onto mine, preventing me from my escape. "Bella, you do not have to do this now."

"Yes, I do. I will not allow myself or you sit in an oblivious manner while we could be trying to find a way out of this." My fingers slid through his as he released his grip, and my feet quickly maneuvered the familiar halls and stairs. I threw open the front door, and continued down the short path to the mailbox. As I ran awkwardly away from my house, I could hear my husband's steps from within. The door opened to reveal him standing frozen at the door frame, watching me.

"Bella, wait.." His words did not slow me. The mailbox was stuffed with various letters that had remained sealed for the two weeks that we had been away. Envelopes spilled onto the street on which I stood as my hand rifled through the stacks. Finally, the letter that I searched for so desperately, yet praying with every ounce of strength in my body that it did not exist, had come to rest between my trembling fingers.

The envelope read our address with bold, typed lettering, from that of a typewriter. The official seal of the U.S. Army was imprinted on the corner, and had been exempt from the necessity of stamps. Slowly, I flipped over the letter, sliding my thumb underneath the sealed flap, tearing it free. After withdrawing the letter, my eyes glazed over as they read those horrid words.

_Dear Mr. Edward Anthony Masen_

_As a citizen of these States United, you are hereby obliged to enlist in the United States Army to defend the liberties we take for granted. You will be first taught the lessons of survival and discipline in Boot Camp, after which you will be deployed to where we deem necessary. We will expect to meet you at the registration office in Seattle, Washington, at the address below, where you will enlist. _

_Sincerely,_

_The United States Army Reserve,_

_Commander Riley Wilson_

I could not hear, I could not think, and though my senses were incapacitated, I could have sworn I heard myself scream in pain. Sinking to my knees, tears rushed through my tear ducts, changing my pale complexion to that of red, raw skin along my nose, cheeks, eyes, and lips. My hands allowed the horrifying letter to fall to the ground, and brought themselves to my face.

The second world war had been the most terrifying thing to enter my life, even before that moment. There was no more frightening sound than the lectures spoken by the sinister Hitler in German, later translated by a speaker of English and German. What had startled me even more were the cheers by his supporters. I honestly believe that those poor people in that now hated country were not genuinely pleased, but were mislead, and used by the evil dictator. My country had been little told of the situation in Europe, and that last thing that I wanted was for my Edward to be sent into war where we had no idea what was going on.

I looked back at my house, looking for my love, searching his face for some look of comfort. He had always been so secure, so confident in everything he did, and I always felt solid, whole, when my eyes met his. Now, however, when my heart had been shattered by mere text, I found no sense of confidence. His melon-green eyes were widened in horror, and his lips slightly ajar with the shock. Never before had I seen him scared. Nervous, yes, for the day we had been wed just over two weeks ago he was as jittery as a leaf in the wind, but fear had never been present in him. It was then that I knew that he must be as terrified as I, for it was he himself who was being snatched away into battle, and he who would miss me as much as I would him.

His feet slowly stepped out in front of him, carrying him without haste toward me. He was in a trance-like state, horrified as I was, I could not imagine him being any more than I, yet I could not imagine any less than me either. His lids shut tightly over his moistening eyes, and he pressed me against him, nearly hurting me. His cheek met mine, and we both were in awareness that there was no way out of this, that all the rules that applied to him could not be ignored nor forged.

We stayed there for hours is seemed, curled up against the other in the icy November wind, whereas we wore only one layer of clothing, and materials suitable for nothing more than early fall at that. My head rested against his chest, my ear listening intently to his heartbeat, for in only a few day's passing, that soothing rythem would be absent from my life for too long of a time. Though anytime away from him at all was too long a time, thousands of miles between us would make it longer still. Only when the first snow sprinkled itself atop our heads did we feel inclined to move inside. Our skin never had a moment where it did not touch the other's, and as the sun melted into the horizon that had become invisible behind the vast forests, our eyes were dry and throats unchanging. Not a sound had passed our lips through the ending day, for all that need be said had been typed and mailed.

We were being torn apart, and there was no stopping it. Another date had been printed on that horrid paper, tomorrow's date was marked by an appointment with the recruiting officer. It would by far be the hardest thing I would ever have to do, but I was obliged by law to relinquish my husband, my eternal love, to that of the Army. Though no soldiers had yet returned home without injury, men raved and caused an uproar saying that there would be very few men returning home fully intact as they had left. I cold not, and refused to picture Edward missing part of himself, either in part, or in whole...

I did not permit myself to dwell amongst the possibility of my love never returning home, for it was an impossibility in my mind. While it would be tortuous for us to be apart, I would not, could not, tolerate remaining among the living while Edward gazed down upon me from behind the pearly gates of Heaven, for he was deserving of no other place.

When I had believed that the evening would pass soundlessly between us, the phone rang once more. For the first time that entire day, I left my lover's side.

"Masen residence." My voice answered, raspy and sore.

"Bella? Oh, I am glad it is you. This is Rosalie." A voice distraught as mine replied to me, and I knew she had been crying as I had been.

"Good evening, Rosalie. What is the matter?"

"Have you checked your mail?" She had heard.

"Yes, yes I have." The intonation in my sound proclaimed what had been lying in the mailbox for over a week.

"It was for Edward, wasn't it?"

"Of course. As it was for Emmett." I stated boldly, without need of question.

"How can they do this to us, Bella? Are there not enough willing men that they need to..to steal our husbands and fathers from us? How are we expected to cope? We cannot get work, who will hire women in a job with worthy pay?"

"I believe the government pays for our living. How little, I do not know." She had broken into hysterics, and listening to myself, was surprised I had not done the same.

"I went to the doctor's office this morning."

"Did you?" I had not expected this, but did not interrupt.

"He told me I am going to have a baby." Her voice was both happy, and yet dripped with disdain at the promise that her husband would not see his first child born.

"Oh, Rosalie, I am so happy for you." I said truthfully, for she expressed very often her dream to bear a child, and had not received these happy news yet.

"Thank you. I am happy, too, but also sad in a way. It will be hard enough raising a child, but harder even without a father when he or she is born."

"You can depend on my help, it will do me good to practice, for when all of this silly war stuff is over, I may have a child in a year or two."

"I suppose." It was apparent in her tone that she was not as optimistic as I was.

"Now, Rosalie, do not believe for a moment that they will not return home. They will come home, or so help me I am taking a ship to Europe and bringing them back myself. You have to think the same." I was only partly joking.

"If you say so."

"Damn right, I do. Excuse my language, but we have been friends long enough to pardon informality."

"Of course. How do you mean 'they'? Are there more than Emmett and Edward?" She had not yet heard.

"Edward received a call from Jasper this morning."

"Say it isn't so! Oh, poor Alice. It seems they have left no lives in dismay."

"It seems bleak now, but they will return home soon. I am sure of it." I reassured, though not entirely sure of it myself.

"I hope you're right. I have to go now, but thank you for your kind words."

"Of course. Goodnight."

"Goodbye." I clicked the phone back onto its stand, and turned back toward my love who stood in the kitchen.

"You were not so optomistic a moment ago." He stated.

"She is going to have a baby, and I must give her all that I can."

"Oh, well, pass on to her my congratulations. Did I hear correctly that Emmett had been..."

"Drafted, yes." The word sounded like a profanity, for it was cruel, harsh, and un-forgiving.

"It is true, what you said?"

"About what?"

"That you would come after me, should I not return." I had not known that he was listening to me.

"It is rude to eavesdrop, Edward." I did not have an answer prepared.

"That is besides the point. Were you telling the truth, or were you trying to be funny?" He spoke quietly, and was intent on knowing the answer. I knew there was no stopping him.

"I believe I would." With that answer, he strode quickly to me, and took my face in his sweaty palms.

"Bella, you listen to me. If I do not return, if my letters stop coming..."

"Don't speak of such things!"

"Please, listen to me, I am not saying that it will, but if it does, I beg you, no, I demand you to stay here. If Europe is dangerous enough to take my life, you are to stay here, in safety, and not to come running to a rescue that will only end in your death. Please, my love, I cannot worry about you chasing after me whilst I fight, please." All the while he had begged me not to chase him, I had been shaking my head, bawling, fighting against his will. I could not work up an argument against him, for I had never seen such pleading disparity in his eyes. In one day, our lives had changed forever.

"Alirght. But if I promise to stay, you must promise to me that you will come back to me."

"I promise if you will."

"I swear to you."

That was not a lie, as it had not been as I spoke to Rosalie. Should he unwillingly break his promise, and his letters cease to come, there was nothing that bound me here to Forks. If the love of my life, the one thing that I lived for were to disappear, I would run after him as fast as my feet and machinery could carry me.

Where he went, I would follow, even if it meant in death.


	3. Nothing Else To Speak Of

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 3- Nothing Else to Speak Of

The dreaded morning had come, and with it the sun brung a stabbing sensation in my stomach and tears to my eyes. I nor Edward had received a wink of sleep during the night, and though no sounds of pattering rain or whistling wind was present to disturb us, our ears echoed with noise and cruelty. Visions of bombs and gunshots swarmed our minds, and when these terrifying sights came before our eyes, we clung even tighter to the other, as if the closeness would somehow withdraw the letter from existence. That night I said no prayers, I made no wishes upon the barely visible stars, for I knew there was no force that could carry my husband home before he had left for those horrid countries.

The ringing of the persistent clock shattered the silence, and my heart sunk at its chime. We emitted groans, and reluctantly released our grips on the other, and walked to the closet. I still felt the sense of fear lingering in his muscled chest, and it occurred to me that he would not only fear for his own life, but for mine as well. He knew better than anyone how we despised being away from the other, and the fact that he had to worry not about land mines and machine guns, but about the fact that I missed him as much as he would me would not help the matter.

We walked hand in hand to the closet, absorbing every fiber of our skin with the senses in our hands before it was too late. Today the government whom I had once had so much faith and reassurance in was tearing my love from me, and for the first time in my life, I regretted paying taxes. The money that we pay to our government, I thought, was supposed to have gone to repairing roads and building schools, not ripping lives apart by forcing men to fight for a lost cause. The liberty of others was important to me, no doubt in my mind, but it was not important, perhaps, as not having to live apart from my love, my husband, my Edward.

Mindlessly, I slid on a white silk blouse, stepped into a brown skirt and pulled the belt through the loops. I pinned up my stockings, and stepped into my beige shoes, still wearing my pearl earrings and necklace. Edward shrugged on a white button down shirt, dark brown slacks and matching jacket, holding my hand in his all the while. After arranging my curls and waves, I grabbed my handbag and we were out the door. This would be the last time Edward would be in this house.

The surprise gift he had given to me, or to us, rather, was that of a new house on the other end of town. It was an older mansion, with three stories and a view over the river. White paint dripped along the outside tiles and inside walls, making it bright and clear. Though I was glad to be living elsewhere than the house that presented itself with too many memories of my deceased father, Charlie, it would have been twice as beautiful if Edward was present. Everything was better with him. We sat silently in the car, a Taxi we had ordered for the occasion, if you could call it that, due to the fact that I was still learning how to drive. As the road passed beneath us, my chest began to tighten until it became difficult to breathe.

"It will be alright, my love." He whispered in my ear.

"You don't know that."

"But I do. I will keep myself safe. Besides, the war may even be over before I am sent anywhere. I shall write to you everyday." I leaned my head against his shoulder, not responding to his reassurance, for I felt no comfort in his words besides the silky sound of his voice that I would long for so much to hear in the duration of the upcoming months, or even year...

As we entered the recruiting station, we were not the only parting couple. Men of Edward's age were embracing their wives and lovers and children for the last time, waving as they were walked back into the office, soon to be shipped off to Boot Camp. My hand tightened around his, and we opened the doors.

"Good day, I am Edward Masen, and this is my wife, Bella Masen." The sound of his name at the end of mine lifted my soul, if only for a moment.

"Pleasure to meet you Edward, Bella. This way please." The man lacked sincerity, and showed only sternness and revealed his absence of love. That was it, whatever politician invoked the draft had to have not a love nor crush, and was not in understanding of the bond between lovers and spouses. It was no excuse, nor did it make a difference to me, for the end result was the same.

"Please fill out these forms, and I wll debrief you on need-to-know matters." At ending his sentence, he looked directly at me with narrowing eyes.

"Anything you may say to me, you may say to my wife, Sir." Edward said.

"Are we going to have an attitude problem here, Mr. Masen?"

"That all depends on you." The angered soldier was made small of by my husband, who was tall enough to look down on the man. If there were to be a fight, it was clearer than daybreak to see who the winner would be.

The man led us into a sort of cubicle, in which sat a desk covered in blank forms and papers. Edward and I took our seats before the desk, and awaited the recruiting officer to join us. Out of the corner of my widened eyes, I could swear I saw his hands begin to tremble in his lap.

"I love you." I whispered softly in his ear. He turned to face me, his anguished green eyes cutting jagged scars into my already bleeding heart. This could very well be the last moment we would ever have to simply stare into the other's eyes, and speak those three sacred words.

"I love you, my Bella. More than you know." His sincerity cut through me, and my hand reached out for those of his that were shaking violently. This would by far be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. For those few seconds, the world around us faded, leaving only Edward and I. It would be far too long before I could speak those words again. Edward and I. Soon, it would only be me, or him, not the two of us combined. Such was the irony we had been shackled into.

"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Masen. I am Sergeant Collins, your recruiting officer." Good morning, what an insensitive greeting. This morning was anything but good.

"Good morning." Edward replied solemnly. "I hope I don't sound rude, but is there any possible way out of this draft? Mrs. Masen and myself have just been married, and she needs my support in ways more than money. Surely there is something you can do?" He pleaded.

"Well." Seargant Collins scratched his forehead and averted eye contact. "I am afraid that is impossible. You have perfect vision, eyesight, strength, and are young in age. I am afraid you are the sort of man the Army wants."

"I was afraid of that. I guess we better start with the paperwork." Two hours passed, and we had been filled on every detail. I scribbled away at the papers, while they took Edward for vision tests, and though he tried to make himself seem hard of sight, they of course saw right through it. My love was smart, but it seemed these villains were smarter still.

The time then came when we had to say our goodbyes.

Edward wrapped his arms around me, and I pressed myself to him, burying my head in his chest. Tears streamed down my face relentlessly, and as they seeped from my reddened eyes they soaked into his jacket, darkening the fibers. He slid his index finger underneath my chin, and lifted it toward his. Our lips met, the silky, velvety texture wrapping around mine, each following our own patterns, each lip embracing the other in perfect harmony. While normally it would be improper to do so in public, we made an exception, and did not care who saw or what they thought of us. No wandering eyes could take this last kiss away from us. Though I forced the thought from my mind, this could be the last time we would ever touch, the last time I would hear his voice or kiss his lips.

"Don't you dare leave me a widow, don't you dare." I commanded.

"My love, I shall return to you, one way or another. We shall write every day, no less, and one day, we will be together again. I promise you that." His hand held onto mine to the extent of my arm, and our fingers slowly slipped apart. Two other man held him by the arms as they nearly dragged him away, his eyes still locked on mine.

That was the last time I would ever see Edward in this form. I hadn't a clue as to how he would return to me, hardened, beaten, or broken, in body or spirit. This was the last memory of him he left me with, and it would never be forgotten.

Sergeant Collins led me outside a few minutes after Edward was taken away to a back room, and walked me to my taxi.

"I hope you will not worry yourself over your husband, he will be fine. The government will take care of you." The devil man tried to reassure me.

"I hope you will not worry yourself when I tell you to drop dead!" I nearly yelled out the window as the driver sped off. The hours of road that passed beneath me was blurred by watery eyes, and blowing of my handkerchief. I made no effort to compose myself, for it no longer mattered. All that mattered was that I was alone. Again. I made my way into our house, and looked around the few boxes that had not yet been moved to the new house I had no will to see. Dropping my handbag on the floor, I sat before my desk and pulled out a sheet of paper, and wrote my first letter.

_My dearest Edward,_

_It had been mere hours since your departure, and I already miss you so much it hurts. This house is truly vacant without your presence here, and to be honest I do not know how well I will survive. It is so strange, returning here to this house that I know so well while you are destined to begin an adventure of some sort. Your absence is more severe here, for that is all that has changed, and while I am apart from you. your surroundings are entirely new. Everything here reminds me of you, and you are lucky to have that there. _

_I worry about you, that is not a secret, for you looked as scared as I. Please, I beg you, do not fret over me, for I will be safe. If the wrost happens, I will move in with Rosalie or Alice, imagine that. So desperately I wish I could be with you, for it really is silly that women are not allowed to join. At least we would know what the other is going through. _

_Due to the short length of time that you have been gone, there is nothing left to say that you do not already know. I promise to write you everyday, and seal it with a kiss, and a hint of my love. _

_Forever in sincerity,_

_Bella_

I kissed the letter, smearing red lipstick over the front, and kissed it shut. I copied down the address, and put it in the mailbox with the flag standing up straight. I had so little to say to him, for what do you say to a prisoner besides your thoughts? I did not want to bother him with my miseries, but if I should have left them from my pages, there would be nothing to speak of.


	4. Eternally Yours

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 4- Eternally Yours

The night passed by me without the gift of sleep. My empty eyes stared blankly at the sky, first the darkening purples and blacks, then the lightening blues and oranges that streaked across the atmosphere. The glistening stars began to fade into the realms beyond the earth, and the moon was pale and white in the sky. Still in my clothes as I lay across the bed that had never before been home to a sleepless woman, the house around me remained silent and eerily still. Nothing stirred, yet it did not seem as if time were standing still. It felt as if years were passing, lifetimes were flashed before my blood shot eyes, and though the house was frozen without the light that had been snatched to greedily away from me, there were still signs of life that continued outside these walls.

Wind crept through the cracks and window frames, gently sweeping the drapes along the floor. Fluttering wings of birds darted through the trees, and the creaking house settled on its foundation. There were the rare occasion where my eyes blinked, scraping my eye balls with a pain similar to that of dragging a scalpel along the skin. Laying on my side, my arms were folded tightly across my chest, as if my arms were to fall to my sides, my entire body would collapses into itself, for the beams that supported my being had been taken from me.

It was not until the sun began to pierce my tender eyes that I allowed them to close, revealing the horrid visions I had masked from my conscience relating to the wars in Europe. Hours passed, and no words formed in my head, nor pictures in my mind's eye, and all that could make itself present within my head was the emptiness and loneliness that engulfed me. Nothing seemed real, and yet it did not seem enough a dream to be considered false.

As the sky began to glow with the setting sun, strange noises entered my house. The sound of patting footsteps in high-heeled shoes clapped along the wooden floors, and the door had been swung open. A distant, foggy voice echoed through the house, speaking my name, yet I could not answer. The mysterious person entered my room, waking me from my daze.

"Bella! Bella, what is the matter with you? You are making yourself sick! You had Rosalie and myself terrified. You hadn't answered your phone."

"Oh. I do apologize, Alice." My voice was scratched and meek, hardly sounding like myself in the least.

"Bella? Are you alright? When have you last eaten anything?" Alice sat beside me on my bed, her short black hair curled into ringlets behind her ears. A soft pink dress hung on her tiny form, and worry was spread across her wrinkled forehead.

"I don't know. It isn't important."

"Not important? Listen to yourself, you need to keep yourself healthy."

"Why? What's the use of it? It does not make it any easier, nor less--jagged." Her aggression mounted, and used the one thing against me that I could not refuse.

"You need to eat, you need to stay well. If not for yourself, at least do it for Edward." The very sound of his musical name speared my very soul, tearing the wounds that have not yet sealed. "Look, I do apologize, but I cannot allow you to do this to yourself. Now, I made some apple pie, and I insist that you eat some." She glided over to my nightstand to where one of our two telephones resided. The receiver had been knocked off the hook, no doubt the reason she was unable to reach me.

"Thank you." I tried to smile, however the muscles in my face rejected my commands, leaving me to simply stare at my friend's face. Her lips formed the smile that I had tried before to conjure. She knew my intention, for she not only knew me, she knew my struggle.

Alice and Jasper had been married for a couple of years, and had been in love since first they met. She was visiting a friend in Houston, Texas, when she found herself at a diner. She told me once that she knew something wonderful was about to happen, and then in walked the love of her life. After only a moment's passing, they were inseparable, except for that is, a draft.

She led me downstairs, keeping myself upright was a challenge in my weakened condition. Sure enough as she had told me, a steaming apple pie rested on the round table in the kitchen. With a fork in hand, I dug into my slice, each bite worsening my stomach. The slightest amount of weight inside me only impressed upon me even more greatly how empty and desolate I was.

"Bella, did Rosalie tell you..."

"Yes, she did." Alice broke the silence, wondering if I knew about the recent even.

"Ironic, isn't it? She has always wanted a child, but she has always wanted one with Emmett."

"She will have us, but it is not the same."

"It will never be the same. Even if--when, when the boys come back, they will be older. They will have seen and perhaps even done terrifying things. No one can predict how they will be, Bella. The only thing that I can say for sure, is that they will be different."

My fist curled into itself, holding myself from turning into a nothingness dust on the floor. It was not that Alice was proclaiming falsities, but it was that she was speaking inevitable truths that could neither be denied nor doubted. None of them would be the same, not Emmett, nor Jasper, nor even...I could not bring myself to think his name. Could it be that they would become different men in their entireties? Would even some shred of their previous selves, or would the man I love return to me as someone I did not even recognize?

The thought horrified me. I had been faced with the consequence of my love being lost overseas, but him returning home, desolate, distant, changed without exception, and loveless for me would be worser still. I could not bear the thought of my husband, the love of my life, falling out of love with me, and staying in the home he had purchased for me.

"I should not have brought it up. I apologize." Alice spoke sincerly with regret in her voice, for it was clear to not only myself that the idea had tormented me.

"No, it is quite alright. You need my support as much as I do you. They are going to the same place, and leaving us behind in the same place, together. This is not the time for differences."

"Thank you. You have always been such a good friend. I relate to you more than I thought that I could, mentally at least."

"How about I support your sanity, while you get me out of bed in the morning?" She giggled softly and deliberately. At least I had regained a bit of my personality, that was a good sign if I were going to write to--him when I was aware of myself instead of scribbling like an asylum patient.

We stayed together for a short while, and when she left, she brought with her the faint drops of happiness that had even allowed me to smile. As the darkening sky loomed over the shadowed house, shifting the metaphor of darkness into literal terms. With nothing left to occupy my time, I sat myself before my desk, and shifted the pen around in my fingers. So then was the beginning of the end of my life.

This first transcription of my thoughts became the only reason for my existence, and all else faded from me. There was nothing else left for me to do, and my being was now kept from death by the simplicity of ink and paper. Such began the beginning of letters with the very first.

_November the 21st, 1939_

_My dearest Edward,_

_This house is not the same with the absence of your existence. The walls are dreary, the wind creeps through the cracks at night to swirl around the whistling notes around my ears, keeping me from sleep. These barricading exteriors seemed impenetrable with you hear, and have now become as strong as tissue paper lit with gasoline, and a box of matches laying right beside it. The rooms are dark, and the clouds are sinister and taunting. With every breath, I dream of the moment you return to me. _

_I do hope that you are well, as I am truthfully not. I beg you, take my thoughts off of my decrepitating mind, and tell me about you. What is it like where you are? Where are you? Is the food well, or simply enough to live on? How are Jasper and Emmett? Please pass on my greetings to them. I do hope you three are together, for it would warm my heart knowing you had the charismatic Jasper and brick-like Emmett by your side, not only for protection but for peace of mind as well. _

_Alice has been keeping me company, and I do not know what I would do without her or Rosalie. You have much to thank them for, for it was due to them that I am sane enough to write to you in the way that you remember me as. _

_I had not slept since you have left, and the bed seems like a sheet of jagged rocks without you there. I sound like a desperate housewife, I imagine, but I could only hope that you miss me as well. You have an adventure to distract you from the loss, while I remain here, completely made aware o the one that's missing. It is strange how much the presence of one person can change the way your eyes view your surroundings, altering them completely from rooms and doors into memories and love. _

_As with that, there have been no new instances to report to you, for it has not been very long yet, and though it has been eons too long. If you can remember only one line that I write here, please remember this and hold this with you. I love you so very much, and I always will._

_Eternally Yours,_

_Bella_


	5. The Exemption of Letters

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 5- Exemption of Letters

With the absence of my life but that of those sacred papers in the mailbox, I found myself racing every morning to it, and every morning my heart falling when there were no letters to be seen. My days were spent by worries, tears, pain and Alice force-feeding me. Thankfully she did, for one morning, the monotony ended when I had received a response.

_My beautiful Bella,_

_There aren't words in existence to explain how severely my heart longs for your company. There is not a moment spent where your eyes stare back at me, or your voice echoes in my head. Every hour we are apart becomes longer than the first, until there are hours no longer, and only eternities of minutes and seconds. I wish so desperately to be near to you again, to see your smile, to kiss your lips, and to feel your warmth. Oh, my Bella, I believe you are the only other being on this cruel earth that would know the pain I feel, the despair that sears my very core when I wake up, and do not see you sleeping soundly beside me. I have never felt so alone in all my life, not only on my exterior, but if feels as if I no longer have a core. It feels as if my bones were taken from me, and I lay here, limp, soft, exposed, and hurting. _

_I need not tell you of my pain, for no doubt your anguish is as severe as mine, as your letter speaks to me. It hurts me so to hear your solemnity, but it would be foolish of my to think otherwise, for if you loved me even a mere fraction as much as I do you, your heart would be shattered as mine. Do not feel that you cannot speak to me about your troubles, for if you cannot tell me, who can you tell? _

_As to your enquires about my current surroundings, it is not quite as bad as you would think. It is anything but home, that is for certain. The food is terrible, in the best respects. To be honest, I could not tell you what it was if my life depended on it, and while it relies on the food, it does not on the identity. Some of my comrades and myselff had made several guesses as to the ingredients, and taking those into consideration, I am made content by the fact that I in fact do not know what it is. Perhaps some secrets are not meant to be revealed. _

_The quarters are extremely uncomfortable. The compartments are cramped and keep us very close to each other, leaving no secrets between us. Pictures of other wives and actresses are taped on the walls, but none can compare to your beauty. My fellow comrades range from both gentlemen to the deciders between prison or the army. They chose the army. Do not worry though, they are harmless, and with Emmett by my side, they dare not offend me. Yes, Emmett and Jasper are with me, and our commanders have allowed us to continue together, especially after Emmett's arm wrestle with him, it was severely intimidating. With their company, this ordeal is slightly more bearable, as I assume it is for you and Alice and Rosalie. _

_Emmett and Jasper worry so much about their loves, as I do you. There are times when the three of us are silent, where we stare into nothingness and the only movement in our bodies are that of vitality for life, such as the beat of our cracking hearts and the air circulating through our lungs. We need not ask the other what occupies their thoughts, for we all know. We feel the same pain, and though we are separated from you, it brings us closer together. I do not know how I would survive without them. _

_My great thanks to Alice for forcing you to eat, for keeping you alive. Those empty spaces you feel are made even worse for myself, for there is nothing here to remind me of you, and all I have to trust is my biased memory. I could not possibly remember your beauty as exactly as it truly is. When you look in the mirror, think of me, and I shall be with you. _

_In this letter, I leave with you a gift. They shall be better with the notes that pass, but due to the little time that I have been here, this is the least I can do to remind you of me. I leave with you a shoe lace, something I happened to receive a spare of. This lace held my boot onto my foot through mud and trench, through rain and cold, and never failed me. I shall not fail you in the same way. With your kiss on the envelope, you gave me something of yours, and with this, I give you something of mine._

_I have only one promise to ask of you, to survive for me. Though I can fully understand your lack of appetite, for my commander nearly had to shove a spoonful of, whatever that mush was, down my throat. I beg you, and Alice, keep yourself alive for me. Humor me, and take care of yourself for once. It will not help me if you are in weak condition when I return, and believe you me, I will return. These are the things I ask of you that I am forced to do every day. _

_In the morning when you wake, imagine myself beside you, my arms embracing your ivory body. Slip out from underneath the covers, stand out of bed, and dress and fix you hair. Eat breakfast, read the newspaper, and listen to our favorite songs. Visit your friends, and read the books that you love so much. Imagine myself there, reading over your shoulder. When night falls, retire to bed, and sleep restfully, dreaming of the moment we are together again._

_These tasks seem trivial, but carry on your life as if I were there. It is unlike you to do the safe thing, but consider doing so because I ask you to. You are so selfless, and only do for others, not yourself. Do this for me. Please, take care of yourself for me. Live your life. _

_I love you so very much, and with this strip of leather, I send to you another piece of my heart. _

_All my love,_

_Edward_

And with that, I did not deny his request. I would do it for him. I would live my life for Edward. I would live, this was true, but I would have bo life with the exemption of letters between him and I.

_My loving Edward,_

_I am glad with the news of your accompaniment with Jasper and Emmett, not only for your mental health, but with Emmett for your protection. Not that you are unable to do so, but it warms my aching heart still. _

_When you return to me, I shall make you the greatest feast known to man, of pastas, steaks, chickens, rices, and anything your taste desires. You shall sleep in a bed of clouds, beside me, and we will be happy once more. It seems I have been mistaken that I am reminded of your absence more than I, for I have fresh memories of you here, and am unable to forget, even if that was what I wanted, though it is the least of my wants. I am glad the imprint of my lips did you well, and the shoe lace means more to me than strings of pearls, and diamonds the size of golf balls. The crown jewels themselves are nothing in comparison._

_Through the stench of leather and caked mud, I can still catch your scent. The sweetest smell on earth, the smells of lilac and honey. It may seem strange, it seems strange to myself even, but it is true. I have already tied the ends together around my neck, so I may have part of you wherever I go. _

_In this envelope, I have left you something of my own. It is small, but it shall remind you of me. This was my first leather bookmark. It marked the pages in my schoolbooks, and in various novels of mine. Imprinted in it is my name, and a heart below it. With this, I leave with you a mark of my love. _

_I will tell Alice of your thanks, and am obligated to oblige. Strange and out of character for me as it may seem, I am in no condition to cook, for my mind wanders elsewhere, leaving food to burn. Alice has been my chef, and companion, and I have been caretaker to Rosalie. She is fair, mostly her mind is what is in need of being taken care of. Her food rivals mine, and her pies out-do mine by far. We are perfect pairs, her and I. While we are both at a loss, she is peppy and optimistic, while I am solemn and quiet. She makes the most delicious pies, and normally I can make the perfect food. Or so I am told. _

_We each have our counterparts, do we not? You have Jasper for your emotional needs, and Emmett for your sheild. I have Alice for the obvious reasons, and Rosalie to put myself into perspective. And you and I, well, that need be unspoken. _

_I await the moment when our skin touches the other, where the electric pulse between our souls is re-ignited, and our hearts shall be whole once more. _

_All my heart,_

_Bella_


	6. Another Fragment of my Heart

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 6- Another Piece of My Heart

_My loving Bella,_

_The bookmark you have sent to me has not left my hand, even as I write. It has been smoothed from the years that have passed, and I can almost see the pages it has been slid between. I can nearly hear the words whispered by those brilliant authors, and the stories of those characters that we model ourselves after. What I can picture most easily, however, is that of your fingers holding the bookmark. As silly as it may seem, the scarlet leather seems to be the exact shade of red that pigments your hair when the sunlight catches it. I love how your name is imprinted in it, for seeing it written on something other than paper is refreshing, especially in knowledge that you yourself had written it. _

_Every letter you sent to me is re-read every night. I could recite every word without mistake, and could pick your handwriting out of thousands. _

_Nothing could draw my thoughts to you, and knowing that you have something of mine warms my soul. I have taken note of the postmark, and estimated that our letters are received from the other about once a week. It is not nearly enough, as you well know, but it may keep the mailbox hinge from snapping off with your frequent checks. Please, worry little about me, for I am not the worst off in boot camp. _

_As you may imagine, Jasper has not fared very well. His mind is attuned to the militial scenario, but the pressure becomes too much for him. He can feel the anger of others as if it were his own, strangely, and every emotion Emmett or I feel seems to radiate to him, and intensify. Emmett believes he is being dramatic, but this situation has intensified his intuitions, as it has mine. I am not sure what it is about the possibility of war that changes our mentalities, but there is no doubt that it does. _

_Do not let that make you believe that will change my love for you, for that is written in stone, but I cannot promise that I will not be the same. You see, I had a terrifying dream last night. I dreamt that you were wandering aimlessly, looking for me, searching for any shred of my existence. That was not the worst part. I shunned myself into a cave somewhere, and I was not alone. I heard your footsteps nearby the mouth of the cave, and I pushed myself further back. I had this strange feeling within me, as if I were holding a loaded gun, and it could fire at any moment. Strange. But stranger still, was that I did not want you to find me, for fear that, whatever it was, 'the gun', as it were, would aim itself at you. _

_I could not interpret the meaning of this, and try as I may found no other solution but dark and shadowy fates. At first, I was reluctant telling you this, for fear it would frighten you, but more than that I wanted some solace in some way knowing you could find a better omen. _

_I haven't any time left to write, for it is time to move out into the dark morning. With this letter, I leave with you one more token of myself. It may seem like nothing, for the shoe lace could put this to shame. It is a petal that I found the morning last, that of a rose, to be specific. Never before had I seen a color closer to your blush, the scarlet, somewhat rosy color that fills your cheeks when our lips meet. Let this remind you of those times. _

_Forever yours, _

_Edward_

_My adoring Edward,_

_The rose petal in which you have sent is currently between my fingers, and the scent is nothing less than heavenly, though nothing compared to your scent. It reminds me so clearly of those infinate kisses, and it only makes my lips long for yours with every glance my eyes give the petal. You are, however, wrong about the gift. I could ask for nothing better. For once place cannot both be sinister and give life to such beauty as the rose. Where roses are, I believe you shall be safe. _

_It saddens me with your news about Jasper, yet it does not exceed my understanding of him. His well being concerns me, and, correct me if I am wrong, but he would have too much pride to tell Alice, would he not? Don't fear that your bond has been broken; I shall not speak of it to her. It would pain her further to know that he is weighed down with this sort of tension and anguish. I do believe, however, that Emmett must be faring well, is he not? If anything, he should be the most likely out of the three of you to have even chosen this fate by his own mind. Not that he would, it is only that he seems the most--suitable, so to speak. _

_And though you tell me many things about yourself, and Jasper and Emmett, you tell me little to nothing about your conditions. With the food and space aside, what is it like there? So as I may be able to picture you more clearly, and it may comfort me knowing your activities between which you spare the time to write. What is it that you do there? While I putter around the overly-cleansed house searching for missing boxes...ehm...and begin cooking again under Alice's supervision, of course, I know nothing of what you do._

_The mud on the shoelace that I hold so dearly tells me that your travels are taken through tiresome landscapes. While I know very few things about the military, I do know that it is no picnic, so to speak. Do tell me of your time and how it is spent, so when I wake up in the morning, forcefully by your wish, I might imagine what you are doing. _

_As promised, I have enclosed something of mine for you. As I was thinking about what to send to you, for I did not feel right leaving you with nothing but words, I thought about the lace. As I opened my closet this morning, I found a white button on the floor. The only garment in my closet in white at that time was my wedding dress, and it must have therefore been the origin of the button. I did you the honor of stringing it, so as you may wear it around your neck as I do the shoe lace. Then, you may always have it with you, wherever your missions lead to, and through. _

_My love, I hope I do right by confessing that my misery has only grown, and that it does not hurt you more than you are already. With every letter, I feel both closer, and farther from you. Our letters are infrequent, though long, and it does not suffice, nor will they ever, for having you back with me. That day feels nearly out of reach at this wretched moment. _

_With this seal, I send you another piece of my heart, strengthened by yours. _

_All my love and more, _

_Bella_

_To my Beloved Bella,_

_The button you have sent to me has already been knotted around my neck, and my fingers graze over the silky white button continuously. Though it brings me much comfort, it brings me so much pain. I miss you so much that it hurts. _

_As to your questions, well there is little to say. Our tasks are grueling, and our commanders are relentless. They yell in our faces, demean us, and push us past our limits. In the early hours of the morning, or rather, the late hours of the night, we are driven from our cots to run endless trails and miles beyond feilds and farms. Our eyes are blinded by the blistering sun, that seems to beat down upon us for its own enjoyment. The mud slows our paces, and nearly pulls us down into it. _

_Our breakfasts are made of mush, for lack of a better word. The water is stale, yet it is starved for after the push ups and crawls we are forced to do. Barbed wire will hand mere inches above us whilst we crawl beneath it in the sticky, rocky ground. Throughout the day, these activities do not lessen, and only intensify. Jumping jacks, weights, self defense training, weapon training, and survival training are the core of the agenda. We travel heavily with backpacks pressing on top of our shoulders, adding to the pressures of gravity itself. _

_And all the while, I think of you. And all the while, the pain melts. And all the while, the pain worsens in my realization that I cannot touch your face. _

_Do not fear for me, my darling, for these tasks are made small by our separation. We get little time to write, and though my hand has gotten sore, I cannot cease to scrawl the words that I long so much to say to you aloud. _

_My dear, though I try to hide it, I do not fare well. Every day that passes is another that my heart shatters. With this letter, I send you a fragment of my heart, wishing it could be more. With this I give you a torn piece of my clothes. Yesterday, as I ran to help a comrade, another from an opposing force pulled me down, igniting a fight, and tearing my clothes in the process. That is a lie. It caught on a tree. I believe you have given me a piece of yourself as I have. _

_My love, I fear I must depart. Our hours alone in light grow fewer by the day, until we nearly have any at all. _

_Take care of my heart, I have left it with you._

_Infinite love,_

_Edward_


	7. Where No Roses Grow

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:**Some of my readers have told me that the letters are getting monotonous, and I do apologize. However, these letters are vital to the story, and must be written. The next chapter will be the last chapter of letters, and the chapter next will return to the normal point of views.. The plot will speed up, these chapters are just the fillers needed to begin a story. Please keep reading, and you won't be disappointed.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 7- Where No Roses Grow

_My Edward,_

_I could help not but laugh at your explanation of the fabric. Of course, I would be called a liar if I were to say it did not comfort me greatly that it was the latter truth and not the first. Those sorts of scenarios haunt my nightmares and thoughts throughout the day. Knowing that you have inherited a bit of my lack of grace, I hope that I have been given part of your bravery. I have not yet told you of my pride in the matter. _

_Having written so many words of my anguish with your absence, I did not yet tell you how proud I am of you for all that you do. Whether I wished you to or not, you are ineed protecting the country we call our home, and from those tyrants that are so cruel to those innocent people in Europe. Well, not yet, perhaps, but soon enough. As you time in basic training lessens with each day, the day that you are sent across the seas only become more real to me. Do not fear for me then, for I will think of you, and imagine you in the most beautiful places, places where roses bloom. The petal you have sent to me has dried, and the color has faded, but it has not crumbled nor browned, and though it is long past dead, it is still full of life in some way, as if it were waiting for something to perish. _

_These tokens you send to me have been memorized by my eyes, and though there is little that I could give to you when you are with me in Forks, I believe I have found something you may come to like. Enclosed is something of yours, something small, but worthy, a silver key. Representative of the key to my heart, which you already posses. _

_My love, you are so brave, you are so selfless, you are so strong in so many aspects. I can only dream of becoming so independent, and so triumphant in moral competition. _

_I should no longer trouble you with my rants. _

_Forever awaiting,_

_Bella_

* * *

_To my love, my Bella,_

_My love, I regret so very much to tell you that I have, indeed been assigned to a foreign country, of which I am to be taken to tomorrow. In mere days, I shall live my days in France. I should not, and will not for your own sanity, not tell you of my mission, however, I shall tell you in the deepest of my sorrows that due to the distance and complication of mail carriers, our letters shall be lessened greatly. In fact, it seems that the two of us shall only receive one letter with the passing of each month. _

_In the duration of the time between our speaking, do not cry for me, do not wallow in grief, do not feel guilt as I am sure you do, if I know you at all. We have fared through difficulties and hardships before, and this will be no different. To remind you of myself, I included something new. _

_Today I had been assigned a new identification tag, for I believed to have lost mine. I did not lose mine. In this envelope rests a metal chain and and plate. Inscribed is my name, and yours. As I have strung the white button from your wedding gown around my neck, I hope the you may wrap the leather shoe lace around this, and keep it with you as I do. Mine is identical, and we shall each have two necklaces around us that reminds us of the other. _

_I fear I must go, for we are not even permitted to write at this crucial time. If you remember only one thing that I say in this letter, remember this. Do not come after me, and I plead you to remain in Forks. Whatever you do, do not come to Europe, for there are forces there that even militaries and armies cannot understand. Though they are no more cemented into reality than myths, if there is even a shred of truth to these forces, you are to be nowhere near them. My love, you are quite the rebel, but I implore you to keep yourself away. For me. _

_Forever your love,_

_Edward_

* * *

_21 December, 1939_

_The Beholder of my heart, my Edward_

_The frequencies of our letters terrify me, and slow by the month. With Christmas nearing, children are jolly, and snow dusts the earth. However, the usually cheerful time is clouded with fear and grief, for so many our lives have been altered so severely that even peppermint and ginger cookies cannot cut the pain. Scents of pine cloud the air, yet the only smell I can detect is that emanating from the leather wrapped around my fingers. _

_The chain you have sent me is held dear to me, and knowing you have the same reassures me more than imaginable. Thank you._

_Our separation is all the more severe with the increased distance, and it has sank me lower than I have ever had the misfortune to be in. Knowing that you cannot simply run away, and that you are immersed in battle wakes me at night, and trembles my hands. I wish and pray with all of my existence that you are safe, though the probability of that is slimmer than you being home for Christmas. The thought of guns aimed in your direction terrifies me, and I never knew terror like this until your latest letter. Before, I thought I had withered all I could endure, when suddenly it worsens. _

_To think that not so long ago my greatest fear was that of tripping as I strode down the aisle toward you underneath the altar. Such trivial things when in comparison with war and mortality. To you I swear I shall never be so superficial, and will appreciate every moment we are together. I may even allow you to buy me the car you have insisted upon, that is after you continue to teach me to drive when you return. _

_I say 'when' you return because I have no doubt that you will. It is not mere wishful thinking, but truth. Though I cannot imagine a life without you, nor a life equivalent to what we had before, I do know that one day, these walls will be in your view, and someday we will live somewhere new, somewhere free from the death of my father, somewhere free from the memory of your departure, free from the tears staining the floor, and free from the binds that hold us here. _

_Today is the anniversary of my Charlie's death, as I am sure you will recall. I remember that day very clearly. The way his eyes welled up, the way they glazed over as his hand slipped out of mine at his heart's final beat. Only more than that, I remember how you looked at me. Though I knew you from school, I knew you better from the hospital from where you saved so many lives. The way your hand rested on my shoulder to comfort me, how your hair gleamed in the lights, and how I came to recognize your white coat from all the others stands out from so many other details .You did so much for him, and more. However, that was not the last of your deeds. You healed me too. I was only nineteen, and yet I could see my entire future. And yet, all I saw was you. _

_You helped me erase the pain, at least the pain that can be dulled. When you return, I shall do the same for you. Whatever horrors you witness, I will be there to stop the nightmares, to ease you to sleep, and return you to how you are now. _

_To stop myself from my bothersome pestering, I will tell you about the house I was interested in. It is a beautiful house, mansion truly. It has three levels, and is hidden amongst the trees. A river rushes nearby, and birds sing in the forest. There is a garage in the back big enough for five cars, and more. The white house by the river more than suits us. When you were here, you moved most of our boxes out of the house, and I had a difficult time finding them. As it turns out, we both have similar tastes in houses, for when I inquired about the mansion, it had already been purchased by a Mr. Edward Cullen. It was so much like you to leave your title off your name, and sure enough, our boxes were cluttered around the living room. _

_You are too sneaky! Now, just when were you going to tell me this? I suppose I can retract the gift of a car, now that we have a house! I forgive you, however, for it is rather beautiful. _

_Please give my love to Emmett and Jasper, for I pray they are doing well. Alice is as chipper as always, and though she misses Jasper, she puts it all aside in order to be there for me. She is so unselfish, I wish I could inherit that trait from her. Rosalie is showing her bump, just barely, and is starting to get excited about the baby, despite the absence of Emmett. She is often fatigued, however, more than usual. She looks somewhat sickly, and it scares me. She sees her doctor, but has not brought up her lethargy, or her lack of appetite. Alice forces her to eat, as she did me, and it helps a little, though not nearly enough. Do not tell Emmett, for she will not admit it to me, nor herself even. _

_Keep yourself safe as I do. _

_Awaiting your return,_

_Bella_

_30th of January, 1940_

_To my darling Bella,_

_I wish so very much I could have kissed you in the new year, and all the while I thought of you, it felt strange to me that years could pass and dates can change without you there. It seems nothing is impossible with you, and without you nothing is possible. _

_It is so foreign here, in France. For I am not in Paris, but rather in the outskirts. The fields are dead and desolate, imprinted with footprints of our enemies, and littered with rubble of shattered buildings lives. I have learned enough French to know that the people here are deeply tormented, and I know no French at all. They are hungry, dying, scared, and in danger of being ruled by the evilest of men to every exist. _

_My love, this is not the country we have dreamed of visiting. This is a place where no roses grow. _

_As to the length of time between our letters, it pains me as much as it does you, however, you should know that letters are no longer even permitted between lower ranks such as myself. However, my commander, a man by the name of Dr. Cullen, sneaks in all of our letters, including Emmett and Jasper. He tells us that our loved ones should know of our travels, and should know that we are still alive, if I may be so blunt. He also said that you should only worry should the letters cease, assuring me that they would in fact, reach you. _

_My commander is a generous man, in all aspects. He is somewhat strange, however. He is ghostly pale, and his eyes are a pale gold, while other days they seem darker, nearly black. Never have I seen him eat, though he is fitter than me even. His feet glide rather than walk, his teeth are brilliantly white, and about once every other week or so, is not seen for a day or two. Dr. Cullen, or Carlisle, as he allows us to call him, tells us he was sending letters, or helping townspeople, but I can see through him. He is doing something else, and on top of all my suspicions of this war-torn place, it does not ease me when he does this. _

_He is too good a man to be practicing anything illegal, and I can genuinely see this, but I also know that he is lying; Jasper and Emmett can feel it too. _

_As to your news of Rosalie, take her to a physician against her will if necessary, for the life of her child, and possibly herself are on the line. I fear it may be serious. I am eternally grateful to Alice, for it seems neither you nor Rosalie can function without her. Please inform your friends that they will always have a room in our house, if you would like. i hope you find it comfortable, and I was going to tell you when we arrived home, but I did not want your saddened mood to carry onto the purchase of our house. I wanted to tell you when I returned, but I see that would have been impossible, even if I returned months ago, for you are too intuitive. _

_I wish I could have been with you for the holidays, but I cannot dwell on the regret of this, only hope that I will be there for the Christmas next. _

_Dr. Cullen sympathises with Jasper, Emmett, and I better than anyone. He too, left someone behind. He is married to a woman named Esme, who is living in Seattle. Who knows, the two of you may have run into the other years ago. _

_My love, I am so frightened of this dreadful place, of the gunshots in the night, of the bombs, and of the the enemy. More than anything, I am scared that you are fearful for me. I can take care of myself, and keep myself alive, just you worry about your own needs. That is something I cannot soothe. _

_Eternally in love with you,_

_Edward_

_P.S. Something strange is coming, and I cannot but worry that you are going to put yourself in harm's way. You have promised me that you will not before, but I still rest uneasily, and am not quite sure why. Change is on the horizon. Jasper says that maybe the war will worsen or better, but I cannot tell. All my love. _


	8. To Love, Honor, and Protect

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 8- To Love, Honor, and Protect

_26th of February, 1940_

_The love of my life, my Edward_

_It was such an intense relief for me upon the arrival of your letter. It was the first to arrive at our new address. With the help of Alice, and some movers, all of our things have been moved into the white house by the river. The vastness of the space makes the once clutter-like furnishings of the house I had grown up in seem sparse, and I am in need of buying some new ones. It is comfortable, but it is not home. Not yet, not without you. You are my home, strange as it may seem. I felt more out of place before now, and it feels as if we were meant to live here, as if we had lived here for years and years before now. _

_I have some terrible news, however. I took Rosalie to the physician as you advised me to, and it appears that her baby did not survive. She had contracted cancer where her baby resided. Fortunately, with surgery, they were able to take out all of the cancerous cells, and has been tested once more, and is cancer-free. Unfortunately, the procedure that saved her life made it impossible for her to carry a child. Ever. With her sterility, Rosalie sank into a depression in which she will only recover from once she sees Emmett again. I cannot imagine what she is going through, the poor thing. The money the government was sending to her did not suffice, and she was forced to sell her home. She now lives in one of our rooms, despite how high she held her head. I simply told her that I was lonely, and that the creaks in the old house frightened me when I was alone. I lied of course, for there is not one creak in the entirety of the mansion. _

_Alice has also taken up room in the house, for she had the same predicament. The checks are lessening, as are the amounts they are written for. However, I must say, when the three of us are together, and on those rare occasions when we respite in a moment of happiness or laughter, it is quite nice having them there. It seems that we are the glue that holds the other together, and that we have substituted our loves temporarily in the place of support. Of course, we are broken, but we have swept up the pieces, and are simply waiting to be held back together. _

_Edward, I cannot lie to you. Your last letter troubled me, and I do not want you to be scared. The few correspondences we have do not suffice for me, and knowing that you are in a land of hardship makes it no easier. I wish so desperately you were here, now more than ever. _

_Oh, my love, do not believe that you may not write to me any longer. This will not be the last of our writings, believe you me. We shall speak more, and soon enough, we shall embrace in the other's arms. _

_Eternally loving you,_

_Your Bella_

_P.S. Your last letter to me spoke of Carlisle Cullen. Please pass on my thanks to him, and do tell me more about your comrades. _

That would be the last letter I would write to Edward. There would be no response.

March.

April.

May.

It was May the 26, exactly three months since I had written Edward. Every morning I raced to the mailbox only to find it absent from any letter sent from the military. Every day was spent pacing, and every night spent awake, clutching my sheets around me. He could not have died. All that I knew was that the mysterious Dr. Cullen my husband spoke of had told him that correspondence will be possible as long as there was nothing to worry about. Now, I had good reason to worry. Alice and Rosalie had not heard from Emmett since the day I had heard from Edward, and knowing their camaraderie and ranks, we knew they were together. Something was wrong, dangerously wrong, and there was nothing that would tell me otherwise.

It was in the early afternoon when Alice forced me to eat again, for my face had thinned with lack of appetite. Rosalie was near to suicide, and even the dear Alice who tried to keep her spirits up cried herself to sleep every night. Nightmares haunted her; visions of glinting rubies in caves shrouded in darkness, gunshots, cold stone, and rainbows thrown into the sky by way of crystal or diamond, or something of the sort. These dreams were strange, but she awoke in terror, and not confusion. I had tried to cook again, only to burn the last of the food. Having only been allowed to make pasta, carbs filled my entire diet. We all sat around the round table that sat randomly in the kitchen, making the room seem empty and incomplete as we were.

As Alice cleared the table, Rosalie rested her head in her hand, her blonde hair un-combed and messy. Breaking the monotony of our depressions, the doorbell rang. I had never heard the chime before, and it startled me so that I nearly fell out of my chair. The three of us answered the door, and before us stood two men in Army uniforms. They stood with grim faces made of stone, their features fixed in emotionless statuesque forms.

In their hands were folded papers, and before they spoke I knew why they had come.

"Are you Mrs. Masen, Mrs. Whitlock, and Mrs. McCarty?" They did not even have to ask. We collapsed into tears, my knees buckling, sending me to the floor. Alice stood in shock, a single tear streaming from her eyes, petrified, widened, and staring into space. Rosalie broke down as I did, leaning against the door frame for support.

"I am sorry to have to tell you this, but Mr. Masen, Mr. Whitlock, and Mr. McCarty have been reported missing in action." They left the papers on the ground before us, and let our tears stain our clothes as they walked away. No sympathy showed in their eyes nor words, though there was nothing that could soothe us.

I could not believe what reality had become. Missing? My Edward? Lost? Captured? _Dead_? I could not accept the latter. What kind of catastrophe could have occured that would send Jasper, Edward, and _Emmett_ into the missing status. Though I knew he was human, it seemed that Emmett was impenetrable, what with his layers of muscles and confident sense of being. Knowing that even he could falter, my hopes for Jasper and Edward diminished into near to nothing.

How long? How many days after his last letter had he been gone? What happened to the rest of his branch? To Carlisle Cullen that he had spoken of? Had they run away from that miserable place, trying to return home? That would be the best, and worst result. If he had tried to escape, no doubt he may take a wrong turn, leading him further into danger.

My reason for living was missing. The man whom I loved so dearly and whom I missed so intensely, and for whom I waited so anxiously every moment of these long days had gone missing.

"No." Rosalie murmured between sobs. "No. Not him too! Not my baby and then him! No!" Hysterics overwhelmed her, causing her to shriek toward the heavens. Though my eyes were salty waterfalls, and Alice fared no better, we bent down beside our miserable friend, and held her close. We sat like that for hours, wrapped up in sort of a circle in the doorway, our eyes and noses dripping, our faces reddened and our hearts shattered. Our bodies rocked as our mothers had done with us when we were young. It seems as though tragedy takes us back to those early days of childhood, where our minds are thinking simpler things and our bodies are not strong enough to carry our thoughts through in action.

Not one words passed through our lips. As night fell, and the searing cold of the snow awoke us from our daze, we headed back inside to warm ourselves beside the fireplace. Motionless, our eyes gazed into the blaze, yet no flames were caught in our vision. Blankets were draped over us, and yet we felt no warmth. As the clock on the mantel struck midnight, my thoughts revived themselves. Not allowing Alice or Rosalie to see my awakening, I planned and strategized in my mind. Hours later, we fell asleep, I slept to the repeating of maps and possibilities, and of horrors that my love may be living through. Or not living through at all.

A shrill scream woke Rosalie and myself in the morning, for another nightmare haunted Alice's dreams, waking her with shreik as it did us.

"Alice! What happened? What did you see?" I asked her as I wrapped my arm around her.

"Are you alright? Let me get you some tea." Rosalie raced off into the kitchen. Tea always soothed her after these nightmares, of course it was not reason enough as it was the Rose, bless her, was not as good as comforting her as I. She meant well, of course, and soothed her any way she could, yet with her mentality unstable as it was, she feared there might be nothing she could say to help her, and did not want to risk making it worse than it already was. Rose was wrong, of course, anything she did for Alice was greatly appreciated, but she would not hear of it. Alice understood, and knew that it was just the way she was, and there was no changing her. This was one of the reasons that I loved Rosalie so much, for she was so strong, even in her weakest moment.

"It was the same. Only the rubies in the cave were eyes. I couldn't see the faces, but there were three pairs of red eyes. They were staring at me, only it wasn't me, it was as if I was looking through someone else's eyes. There was another pair of eyes, though, only these were golden." Her trembles stopped, and her face relaxed. Rose came out of the kitchen, and handed her a cup of steaming tea. "But they were not evil. I mean, they were, but at the same time, I _wanted_ to see them. They were even sort of...beautiful in some way." Her eyes glazed over in thought, and then she spoke the words I least expected her to say. "I really miss Jasper."

A tear streamed from her eyes, and our depressions worsened at the mention of his name. Strangely, this did not sadden me as much as it angered me. Truth was, I was tired of being miserable, I was sick of being sad over his absence. This was the last straw. I was going after him. I was going after my Edward.

"I have to go. I have to find them." I stated as I whirled around the room. Opening the closet door, I took out my suitcase, and Alice and Rosalie followed me upstairs as I searched through my closet.

"What do you mean _find them_? They are in France! If the Army can't find them, what makes you think you can?" Rose screamed at me as I threw clothes into the suitcase.

"I don't know. All I know is that I cannot just sit here and wait, and I am not returning without Edward." With my suitcase filled I raced to the bathroom to bathe before I left. As I made my way to the bathroom, she tried to convince me to stay.

"Bella, be reasonable! Edward told you to stay here, what good will it do for you to put yourself in danger?"

"Since when have I done what he asks me to do? Now, let me bathe, and you can yell at me after."

"Oh no, I am not allowing you to do this. Have you lost your mind?" Rose invaded the room, and folded her arms across her chest, telling me with her body that she was not going anywhere that I was not.

"Rosalie, please. I am going to France."

"Fine. Tell me Bella, how are you going to do this?" She raised one eyebrow, judging my sanity.

"Well, I am going to purchase a ship fare, travel to Paris, and start from there. He said that he was in the countryside, fields and such. It should not be incredibly difficult to find out where they were." She walked around the bathroom, politely averting her eyes from my form as I settled into the hot water.

"There is no talking you out of this, is there?" Her voice fell, and she knew I had won.

"No, I don't believe there is." Our eyes met, and she left the room to give me my privacy. In the next room, I heard her speaking to someone on the phone.

"Yes, I need one passage to France please." Bless Rosalie. She called to purchase a ticket she wished that I would never buy. "Is that the earliest departure?...Alright, tomorrow at noon is it. Thank you." Wrapping the towel around my dripping body, I raced to my closet, throwing on a clothes as Rose informed me of the ticket awaiting me at the booth at the harbor.

I pinned my freshly dried hair, not bothering to curl it. As I walked back toward my suitcase, Alice held onto my arm.

"Bella, don't go."

"Alice, please, I am going, I need you to accept this..."

"Look, there was something else to my dream." She sat me down upon my bed, taking a place beside me.

"I may be a terrible liar myself, but I can tell when someone else is. You said you saw three pairs of red eyes, and one pair of golden eyes in a cave, and nothing more." I accused her. I knew she was only trying to bind me to our home, and though I understood her concern, it was no right of her to do so. Her eyes fell to the floor, and her hands kneaded nervously in her lap. Knowing she had been caught, she told me the truth.

"I apologize. The truth is that it wasn't a dream that I am going to tell you about. It was a premonition." My jaw fell, my mouth agape with the shock of her words. I knew she had always had a good sense of what the future held, but she never had true prophetic _visions_, or none at least that she spoke of. "It was the same scene in my dream, only the red circles were different. At first, there were the four pairs of eyes, however, when I ventured into the cave, they turned out to be blood stains on the walls. The golden spots were the reflection of light on the stars of a high ranking officer of the enemy. Bella, in this premonition it was not myself seeing this, but rather seeing through someone else's eyes. In this vision, this person died, Bella. Shot to death in the chest, mislead by the sight of the 'eyes'. You can't go, for I fear you will not return."

"You are saying that I will die?":

"I am saying that someone will return, only I do not know who. All I know is that whomever does come back will be dead, or will die, soon." Her words struck my heart, for there was little she was ever wrong about, if anything at all.

"Alice, my dear, I cannot promise you I will stay. I cannot stay here while Edward is...god knows where, and wait for nothing. I love you, Alice, but I must go." Alice hugged me close to her, and finished the last of the arrangements need be made while I finished packing.

The clock struck at ten minutes until twelve, and my dear friends were at the harbor to see me off. Tears in our eyes, we hugged each other continuously, interrupted only when the horn on the ship blasted against our ears.

"Promise you will try to keep yourself safe?" Rose asked me.

"I will try, but I cannot guarantee it."

"We will miss you greatly." Rosalie whispered in my ear with one last hug.

"I will miss you even more." I responded. Alice walked up to me, taking her turn in the farewell. "Thank you Alice."

"Bella? This sounds strange, coming from myself especially, but hear me out. Should you find them, please bring my Jasper back. Please, I need him more than ever. Bring him back. Bring all of them back."

"I shall. Goodbye Alice. Goodbye Rosalie."

"Goodbye Bella." Their voices rang in harmony, and departed, leaving me to the steam ship awaiting me. Stepping across the gangplank, only one image clouded my vision. Edward. Dead, alive, or in between, my Edward. He was what kept me going.

_I am coming for you, my love. I have betrayed my promise, but have fulfilled another. To love, honor, and protect, for as long as we both shall live. Make no mistake, we shall live, even if only in Heaven. _And with those words, I began to chase a ghost.


	9. Voices and Visions

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 9- Voices and Visions

The ship had long departed the harbor where I left behind the two sources that kept my broken heart beating, my two friends that kept me sane, for the most part. Guilt overwhelmed me as I knew that their tears were shed from my actions. Torn between two loves, the love of my husband, my Edward, and the love of those who stayed with me no matter what, those whom I betrayed. No matter how miserable I was, nor how much trouble I was to her, Alice never once left my side. She had taken great care of me, and when she needed me as much as I did her, I left her behind to search for my own selfish needs. How greedily I took advantage of the gifts my life gave to me! I had two friends that would do anything for me, who sacrificed themselves for me, and I did not do the same.

However, no matter how my heart ached at this realization, the steam poured from the top of the ship, and land drew farther away, shrinking and blurring into the horizon as we sped beside the coastline toward the Panama canal. It felt as if a cheese grater had serrated my heart, leaving only shreds behind to remind me of my selfishness and of the anguish that haunted me. It was impossible to believe that I had once been happy, that so many months ago my life had been the epitome of perfection. So many people take their lives for granted, and I was genuinely appreciative for every fragment of good fortune I was given, yet still it was taken from me. Stories fill children's mind of oblivious people unaware of the beauty around them, whom lose it all, and realize how important it all was. Later gaining it back, they remain grateful forever.

If this philosophy was true, why had I been sentenced to this abyss of calamity and despair? This was one torture even I did not deserve. It was not fair for others to suffer with me, myself possibly, but it was not right for Alice and Rosalie to be drawn into this, no less Jasper, Emmett and Edward.

Oh, how I missed them! All of them, though Edward the most, not only. I remembered the first day I met Emmett, and how he intimidated me so. It was foolish of me to think of him this way, for he was nothing more vicious than an over-sized teddy bear. I remembered how his smile stretched across his face, revealing the dimples in his face, and how his eyes sparkled with a child-like glow that made Rose weak at the kneed. And Jasper, lovely Jasper. There was no being in existence that could resist his charm, even myself at first. Of course, that was before I saw my love, but that is beside the point. The southerner had charisma that seemed to fill the entirety of a room, and always knew how other felt. On some level, I felt as if he knew how I felt better than I did myself. Then there was Edward. Ah, Edward. I shook the memory from my mind, not wishing to dwell on the subject of the missing man.

Tearing myself away from the white, metal railing of the steam ship, I strode along the deck, deeply inhaling the salty air. The deck was wide and luxurious, though the age of the vessal dripped rust down the sides and sent flakes of paint to crumble from the walls. Windows were clear, yet creaking, and some were even cemented into their frames. Strudy as it was, there were signs of the miles it had traveled.

Striding slowly along the creaking metal, the rippling blue sea was the only being to notice my anxiety. It was as if the tumbling ocean knew of my pain, and of my purpose. The waves rocked with strange intent; one moment with menacing tides, and the next the most serene of swells. Though the ship was steady, my heart and stomach fluttered as if I had taken passage on a pendulum. I was never one to become sea-sick, and now was not the start, for all that made me ill was absence, the absence of all the people that I loved.

Making my way toward the bow, I realized that in a few hours' time, I had circled the ship enough times for the other passangers to look at me with odd expressions. Forcing myself to retire from the soggy, icy air that raised goosebumps upon my arm, I retreated into the interior.

My luggage already awaited me before the door to my tiny cabin. In it lay a bed that looked slightly softer than I preferred, a small wooden desk with stationary and pen already resting in the grooves so as not to roll with the ship. A small, round porthole of a window illuminated the space with a blue-gray haze, leading me toward the lamp. Beige, floral wallpaper stuck to the walls, and coarse, eggshell colored carpet rested underneath my feet.

Setting the suitcase beside the desk, I had nothing to do other than to drum my fingers against my knee as I sat atop the bed, then to pace the seven steps across the cabin, then forcing myself to sit once again. This pattern continued until five o'clock, when the dinner bell rang. Though I had no appetite, I knew it was worser still to continue pacing holes in the floor.

Tearing myself from my temporary home, my thoughts drifted to Alice and Rosalie, imagining them with me and their reactions to the vassal.

_"Well, it certainly is not the Queen Mary. More similar to the Queen Rusty." _Rosalie would say. I pictured her walking beside me, her on my right, and Alice on my left.

_"Yes, but it is comfortable. It will carry us where we need be safely, that is all that matters." _Alice would respond.

_"Oh Alice, must you be so accommodating to everything?"_

_"Of course! Do you have to be so troublesome?"_

_"I simply know what I prefer, that is all."_The thought of their bickering made me smile, strangely. The ghosts at my sides comforted me in sort of mentally disturbed way. I could not explain it, for I knew all too well that my friends had been left behind, and those who walked with me were mere mirages inspired by my own mind, yet knowing they were there with me in some form, my heart beat more evenly. With that thought, I felt a pang in my stomach. Perhaps keeping myself sane was not as important as keeping myself occupied from something other than the grim fate that had became my reality. How lives can change so suddenly! In bringing either eternal joy or eternal misery, yet it seems that no life remains the same, and that nothing at all will remain unchanged.

Of course, there was only one thing that would only change in being that it would expand, that of my love for Edward. I longed so desperately to gaze into his eyes again, and even simply to talk to him, to hear his voice that had begun to fade from my ears.

_Go home, Bella_

The wind whispered in my ears, deceivingly so through my love's voice. Perhaps the hallucinations were not merely my imagination, and were true in my insanity. Voices and visions, neither promising in the hope of restoring my mentality.

I sat at a long, elegant table in the dining hall. Two couples sat beside me; the newly engaged Micheal Newton and Jessica Stanley, and Mr. Cheney, and his wife, Angela, who were so newly wedded that Angela spoke her new last name with a stretched grin across her face. I wanted to crumble then and there. Instead, I secluded myself at the far end and wound my fingers around the identification tag that hung permanently around my neck.

The heartache was unbearable, and I feared that should it last too much longer, my heart will be whittled away into nothing at all.

--

The voyage passed throughout the trip nearly identically to the first day. Mainly, I strolled the deck, imagining what my girlfriends would say were they here with me, and about what I was to do once I reached France. The inevitable happened, and I recalled the premonitions seen by Alice. By the look in her dark eyes, she had told me that our loves would not return alive, as they once were. I would not allow this thought to cement itself into my brain, not allowing that reality to exist, for there was no bridge between reality and surreality without my Edward. I wondered if he missed me as much as I did him...

_Don't come after me, leave me be. Keep yourself safe. _The musical voice rang inside my mind.

_No._ I disobeyed.

_Bella, please, for me._

_No. No for you._

_Always so stubborn!_

_It seems you do not know me very well._

_Does it?_

_You think you can talk me out of this. It is too late; I am coming._

_Bella..._

_Just you see. I will bring you home, no matter what state you are in. _With that, my insane conversation ended, and gazing at the stretching blue seas, I knew that I _was_ bringing him home. Even if it were in a coffin.

Jarring myself from these hasty conclusions, my eyes took sight of a strip of green land ahead. Europe. Though it was not as if I could see the white cliffs of Dover, I knew the view I had never before seen, for I felt this sort of pull toward it. I did not have to guess from what. Leaning my elbow against the railing of the rickety ship, my name seemed to appear from the whispering wind.

"Ms. Masen?" This voice sounded too real. Were these the true hallucinations that had taken residency within my head? "Pardon me, Ma'am, but are you Ms. Bella Masen?" Whirling around behind me, it seemed as though the wind drew away the sound of an officer of the ship. In his hand he held a piece of white paper with what looked like Moor's code.

"Oh, yes, that is me." How I loved the sound of my newly acquired name, only realizing it was not so long ago, only long ago since my husband and I were together.

"Pardon me, but I have a message for you."

"For me? Is that possible? I know the ship is large, but I am afraid that I know very little of any other passengers..."

"No Ma'am, this came from shore, from a Moor's code machine. Our communication director translated it for you, saying it was urgent." My heart sank. Was there enough left in my life for tragedy?

"Thank you, Sir."

"Mr. McLean, Ma'am."

"Thank you, Mr. McLean. Please, do call me Ms. Masen."

"Thank you. Here is your letter, I assure you your privacy in the translation was kept." With that, he left to fulfill the rest of his duties. Unfolding the letter, my eyes grazed over the words written in an elegant hand. It read as shown.

_To a Ms. Bella Masen, RMS White Star_

_Bella,_

_I cannot explain to you the importance that you come home. I plead, I beg you to return. My premonition returned to me, and I had it all wrong! Not one of my pictures were truthful, and not one was explained correctly. Bella, the eyes had truly been blood stains against the cave wall. The blood stains were not ordinary. They were stains of your blood. Please, Bella, come home! I cannot tell you how frightening it is to witness your death when I am not there! I do not wish to terrify your sleep, but I saw it! _

_That is not the worst part. The worst part was it was Edward killing you. HIs eyes glowed in the darkness, much like cat, only with green eyes and not yellow. He grinned, and, oh I tell you not of what he did, only that a blade became the death of you. _

_You see, my dear friend, that the eyes were those of the Devil that made him do this to you, for never would he do such a terrible thing in true life were he not possessed by some demonic force. I told you once that the men we miss so dearly would never return the same, I fear they have been driven toward insanity. _

_My dreams differ, yet this was so clear that I must childishly beg for you to come home. Please, keep yourself safe, and leave._

_Yours,_

_Alice Whitlock_

My fingers could not hold the feathery weight of the paper. The wind took it from my hands, carrying it toward the sea I had left behind. I felt the blood fade from my complexion, and in a trance, stalked toward my cabin. Inside I wrote in the shakiest of scrawl, mere seconds away from faintness.

_My Beloved,_

_How is it that I can bring myself to do this? How did my life turn so far toward the worst that it would inspire me to do what I am about to endure. Oh, how such promise transfigures into such an abyss of irony and calamity! Never before have I felt so betrayed to be kept alive, nor to be considered human. Eternity seems like no time at all, yet hours seem a lifetime. It has not much sense, but reason seems the opposite from reality in the world I live in. God help me!_

_To come to this! Romeo and Juliet knew nothing of tragedy. They were privileged enough to die together, to die beside the one they love, to see them in Heaven were truly they could be together for ever. Ever seems so long a time. It is almost impossible to think that I could have had a life with you, and lived happily ever after as they do in fairytales. Some tale! _

_What sort of tale other than that of the warning to bitter families could be so unjustly cruel? If there is such a thing as God, why does he leave me to misery when all my life has been dedicated to being decent and humane? What have I done to deserve this? If it were appropriate a fate, it may not be as intolerable, yet could a murderer even be worthy of such torturous means? How misery condemns us to lives that are not lives at all, but only ends of those lives that are sucked dry from will to continue living them, to continue to suffer at the expense of their own withered hearts. _

_Farewell my love, my dearest, my eternal heaven, for what I shall do will surely end my being if anything continues to be in the pattern it has once been repeating in. _

_Forgive me_

I did not sign it, for I knew it would never be received. All that I knew was when I rolled the letter up, stuck it into the green bottle and corked it tightly, that there was no way around this. There was no going back. I was already in too deep, as was the knife that had been waiting outside my heart, shredding it with every week that passed. No going back. No doubts. No weaknesses. All I knew was my intention, and no one was going to stop me.

Deep breath. Inhale, exhale...

_To be continued..._


	10. Familiarity of a Stranger

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** French translations will be written in English in italics. For those of you who speak French, please excuse the lack of accents, and pretend they're there.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 10- Familiarity of a Stranger

Striding down the bending, metal gangplank, with my suitcase in my hand and my head held firmly in the air, I reached French soil. The air smelled of gasoline and frigid air; the saltiness of the sea chilling the marine breeze. Hugging my chestnut coat around my shoulders and adjusting the red scarf that hung loosely around my neck, I searched for a police officer, or anyone for that matter, that could show me the way toward a place that I knew not of, not of the name, region, nor description other than a countryside vacant from all else but death and war. Finally, my wandering eye caught sight of a ticket booth some yards away.

The queue passed rather quickly, for it seemed these vassals carried business people among others that traveled these routes frequently. Behind the clear window of the booth stood a man perhaps a mere three years younger than I, his face still holding some sort of a child-like roundness offset by his wide shoulders and the intensity of his black eyes. The porcelain white of his eyes seemed even sharper contrasting with his red-brown skin that seemed the color of aging leather, yet with the softness of satin ribbon.

As soon as my turn had come, a sign had been hung on the nail behind the window. Though I knew very little to no French at all, I understood the sign as saying something to the point of 'closed'.

"Er, pardonnez-moi, Monsieur, er...je dois aller a la campagne..."

_Pardon me, Sir, I need to go to the country..._

The man behind the window stepped out of the booth through the door in the side. Standing before me, with a slight smile and amused look in his dark eyes, the exotic form towered above my eyeline, marking him about to be six feet and a half tall, if not more. Upon further observation, he looked no older than nineteen. A chauffer-style hat sat atop his jet-black hair that was tied back in a ponytail. Usually this would give a man a somewhat scruffy appearance, yet at this moment it seemed more natural for this man than shorter hair. His size intimidated me, I shall not lie. The broad width of his shoulder expanded his figure, and the intensity of his black eyes staring into mine made me shift uneasily. From the few feet away where I stood, his scent was sensed by me; that of oak, pine, and otherwise woodsy smell. The strange make up of his features made me doubt any French heritage, or any other European for that matter. Could he be from the Middle East? South America? I hadn't a clue.

"Umm...excussez-moi, mais je parle un petit francais...er, je dois aller a la campagne, er...pour...er, my husband...uhh..."

_Umm, excuse me, but I speak only a little French...er, I have to go to the country, er...for...er, my husband...uhh.._

I was getting nowhere. I scratched my head in frustration of the language barrier, and as angry tears welled in my eyes I was about to turn away when a voice stopped me.

"You are American, aren't you?" His accent was purely American...Native American, it had to be. He allowed a larger smile, brightening his face with a glow that had not been present on the faces of mankind since the war had begun. It was then that my stomach panged, for I had forgotten how I missed smiled so. Without trying to create an artificial emotion, my lips curled upward. Could he be making me smile? It seemed so impossible since he...well, since the letter came.

"Yes. I am from a small town a few hours outside of Seattle, Washington. And yourself?"

"Forks, right?" I could not shake the shock off of my face.

"Yes, how did you...?"

"I am from La Push, the reservation nearby. My father and myself have lived in France for about two years now. Sort of a job transfer, if you could call it that."

"Oh, I cannot tell you how much of a relief it is for me to meet someone who speaks English."

"Don't think me rude, but I believe you're right. You're French is terrible." He joked, making me smile even more. Outreaching his hand, he introduced himself to me. "Jacob Black."

"Bella Masen." Our hands met, and his skin nearly seared mine. Withdrawing his hand, his head bent down in embarrassment, though it would be hard to determine if he were blushing through his russet skin.

"My apologies. My hands were, uh..in my coat pocket. I have very good circulation."

"You would need it, living where we do." Silence tensed the air around us, and our voices lowered.

"Is there...something I can help you with?"

"Oh, yes. I am looking for my husband. He was drafted here, about three months ago, and he" I swallowed audibly as my throat tightened. "he went missing shortly after. I came after him." His eyes looked at me in confusion, and then sudden understanding. Bowing his long neck down to my ear, he whispered his reply.

"Meet me at the Brasserie Rousseau in no longer than an hour. I cannot talk about this here."

"Where is...?"

"Around the corner, and three doors down. Ask for 'la table noir.' It is code for a special booth in the back." And with his passing words, he turned on his heel, and jogged over to meet a man that reflected his features nearly identically, only with the creases of age and that of a wheelchair. Only one thing truly marked the difference between these two individuals. These startling eyes were of the same color and shape, yet these carried not the warmth of Jacob, but of the stone hardness that could chill the bones of the strongest of souls. I felt my face pale, then redden at his stare. Utterly still, all of his focus upon me, I knew why Jacob could not speak at this crowded harbor. Something strange was happening, and I was intent of finding out what it was.

Nearly forty minutes had passed, and I approached the hostess at the front of the brasserie.

"Bonjour, Madamoiselle, un table pour vous?"

_Hello, Miss, a table for you?_

Her dark brown hair lay curled down her back, and a fixed smile stretched across her face. Light, cloudy brown eyes were obscured by dark, feathery lashes, and her cheeks were stained with powdery blush.

"Um, bonjour. La table noir, si'l-vous plait?"

_Um, hello. The black table, please?_

Her face fell into a serious tone at my words, and I feared insult. Instead, she replaced her smile less convincingly that before, and led me through the restaurant to the back. In a corner of the brasserie, a secluded booth made of red leather sat behind two walls of frosted glass that met the ceiling. Plush seats littered the restaurant, thick, red carpet lay across the floor and maroon paint stained the walls. In all it was extravagant, casual, yet plush in the French extreme that eminated femininity and elegance.

My fingers drummed against the table as my eyes watched the clock. Two forty-five. Two forty-six. The hands of the clock seemed to lazily drag themselves along the white background, taunting me with the smallest of ticking. Sighing in boredom, I wound my wristwatch to the correct time, and jumped in surprise when I saw the tall form of Jacob Black towering over me at the opening of the booth.

"Sorry. I am somewhat quiet. I did not mean to startle you."

"Do not apologize. I am rather jumpy lately." He sat across the table from me, and ordered me a glass of water with ice. My fingers curled around the frigid glass of the water, and a shiver struck my spine.

"Are you cold?" He asked me in his deep voice.

"No, it was just the chill of the ice." We sat in silence for a few moments, our head tilted toward the table, and our hands folding and tapping in boredom. Finally, the awkward silence was broken, surprisingly by me. "So, may I ask why we must speak in private? Is it that you do not know where he is, and do not wish to have to tell me so, or is it that you might know where he could be, and wish not to tell me that either?" My voice had taken on a strange sort of mystery to it, something I was not accustomed to. Perhaps it was the difference in culture or scenery, or the current circumstance of my pained heart, or was it that I had become brave? Such an unusual way in which to be courageous.

Jacob raised his eyes to me, and very slightly leaned over the table. He looked around the restaurant, probably making sure no one else was listening. Upon his satisfaction, he began his explanation.

"May I call you Bella?"

"Yes."

"Alright, Bella. There have been a lot of American soldiers passing through here, most traveling on vassals such as the one that you had. I assume that you saw my father before, the man in the wheelchair?" I nodded. "He and I live not too far from here, however we have made frequent trips to the countryside, aiding soldiers sometimes, but most of the time I am helping my father with his...work. There have been some reported...threats...out there, and we were called to investigate."

"So, you and your father are detectives?" He smiled at that, not out of joy, but out of humor. I noticed how his eyes always sort of crinkled at the corners at even the slightest grin. For a reason I knew not of, it was comforting.

"Not exactly. No, our work is more unusual than that. Anyway, when we take our trips to the innermost part of the country, we do come in contact with the soldiers. I cannot recall any individuals, but i do remember the events that occur."

"I do not understand."

"Well, there are a lot of bombs falling there, and it had been highly traumatic to the men. Many of the soldiers in hospital tell strange tales of mythical creatures worthy of writing under Bram Stroker or Anne Rice. Some of them recover, but most perish from their own superstitions."

"Bram Stroker, you say? Has the Count moved on from London?" I joked. Years before I had read the novel by the famous author, that of Dracula. Though this was no time to be joking, and though that he had been was inexcusable in this situation, I could not help but join in the act.

"Please be serious, Miss Bella, I do not joke. I do not know if it is the trauma of war that causes these stories, or if they are the stories that are the cause of the trauma, but whatever it is, there is not only the war at hand to be concerned about. Something is happening here..." The waitress appeared, cutting his sentence short. He ordered the both of us food, I presumed, and his mouth moved quickly and eloquently through the French words, making the little speech in this foreign tongue that I had sound rough and unpleasant. While he spoke, the server looked at both of us with her eyes filled with suspicion. Suddenly, I became very aware of the diamond ring weighing down my ring finger. Smiling politely, I waited for her to leave.

"Where was I?"

"The myths, and that something else is happening."

"Ah yes. Before I say anything more, I must know why you are here." Jacob shrugged off his coat, leaving only his navy blue button-down shirt. His uniform from the toll booth consisted only of his coat and hat, I supposed. I felt guilty for being so attentive, but it was for Edward. It was the reason I was here.

"Fair enough. My husband, Edward, went missing about three months ago. He had been drafted, and was sent here to fight. I have come after him here, hoping to find him."

"Well, you truly are brave, are you not? Do you know where he was fighting?"

"Somewhere in the French countryside, that is all that I know. He told me in his last letter that he was in a place that was truly awful, and war-torn. He spoke of bombs and starving people, and of terrifying surroundings. I wish I knew more."

Jacob pondered that for a moment, and our food arrived at our table. Chicken soup, of course. It seemed that they had this comforting food all over the world. Some things do not change through the differences of borders and languages.

"With the little information you have, it is very hard to determine where he might be, though I have a few ideas." Elation spread through me. I did not care if I had to search for years, but as long as there was somewhere to look, there was hope that I could find the man I loved. "I hope you don't think I am being rude, but are here alone, are you not?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"Well, I do not even know you except for that of your name and origin, but I must ask you to promise me not to go alone." With his words, I slammed my fist on the table and leaned my hand against my head in frustration. Why was it that no one supported me? Even this man named Jacob who had encouraged me before? Why was it that it seemed as if Edward and I were never to be together again, though we loved the other so, we the the other's counterparts, and yet we were being pushed away from the other? Life was truly miserating.

"Everyone tells me so! How can it be that not one person will help me. It was nice to meet you, Mr. Black, but this was a mistake. I will look for help elsewhere.

"Wait." He commanded me as I stood. "I can take you there. My father and myself were headed into the countryside tomorrow. If you wish, you can come." Standing in shock, I accepted. I sat down in the booth once more, and continued with the arrangements.

All was settled. This man whom I had met only two hours before had promised to take me to my husband, my love. There was this unusual sense of comfort in the atmosphere around Jacob; maybe it was his smile, or his voice, or simply because he hadn't let these terrible times affect his general being. I knew not of what it was about him, but it made me feel safe in this strange and dangerous country, and no matter what reason it was, I need this sort of security to find the man that I loved.

Trust of others to me somewhat easily, considering how skeptical I could be, yet there was something different about this Jacob, something...good, bright, like the warming sun on a winter's day.

* * *

"It was nice to have met you, Jacob."

"Very nice to have met you, Bella." He put his lips to my hand, and with a kiss, left me in front of a hotel.

To say that the establishment was a dump was putting it mildly; the walls were dirty, the lights flickered, and sirens blared from the exterior. Unsafe as it was, it were only for one night, and because Jacob had taken me here in his trust, I trusted it. I was trusting, yes, but never this much this quickly. At least I would be closer to finding Edward, I told myself, and that was all that I need to reassure myself.

Setting my suitcase atop the thin mattress, I stripped my clothes and changed into my nightgown. I sat on the chair in the corner, and wound my fingers around the silver ID tag that hung around my neck. How I wished the hours would pass! I was due to meet Jacob at eight tomorrow morning, and it seemed as if the clock were doing its best to keep that time from coming. My life had been moving so slowly in the past year that it made me feel twenty years older, withered to the bones, and until I was whole again, it would never expedite itself.

How calamity had befallen me. How the end of all happiness and anything else than depression had become more real than anything I knew before. Would my heart ever cease to ache? Would my sanity return to me? Would I even be able to live my life again once this was over? I knew only one thing for certain, and that would be the end of me if I knew only the end of Edward.

The worst part of it all was I was starting to forget. I was starting to forget the exact intonation of his voice, the brightness of his green eyes, the temperature of his skin. I had begun to forget the small things that made my Edward who he was, the things that made me fall in love with him. I weeped heavily, my shoulders shaking, and my stomach twisting and contorting in pain.

His scent that had stained the shoe lace had faded long ago, and I feared that all else would fade as this had. How easily the memories of others are forgotten! If I never returned, would Alice and Rosalie forget as well?

I never fell asleep. I watched the sun rise, and dried my reddened eyes. This would surely be the most trying summer of my existence, this would be the summer of my soldier. The summer of my Edward, and of all else that made me human and alive.


	11. One Man and Another

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 11- One Man and Another

Clouds of expanding steam swarmed the air as it released the pressure from the train. Families parted, and friends were wished farewell on their journeys. Tears were shed as they separated, and as they came together. So many different emotions that hung over the station canopies, sadness, joy, and disappointment. In this strange instant, I was not included in any of these, but was as if I were in a no man's land of emotion, completely void, only functioning on previous ideas and strategies. Luckily, I had someone to plan for me, and to carry my vacant mind through my life so I might be able to find the only thing worth living for.

Boarding the train of black metal, my eyes glazed over at the interior of the car. Leather seats were positioned before wooden tables that had indents carved into them to house a glass vase in which rested a red carnation and baby's breath, and two shakers of salt and pepper so as the rumbling of the train would not disturb their balance. Beige curtains were drawn away from the windows, allowing golden light to pour into the car. Luxurious as it was, I searched for something other than the decorations, something that could bring me to my love, my Edward. Jacob Black. Giving my ticket to the uniformed man who then stamped a circular hole into the corner, my eyes caught the russet-skinned man for whom I looked for.

Seeming almost taller than he had been when I had met him before, a slight smile rested on his lips, warming his face. Those same, dark eyes met mine, and his hand gestured toward the seat he had reserved for us. We sat across from the other in silence only until the train jolted to a start.

"I don't believe you got much sleep, did you?" Jacob asked me, knowing too much about me too soon.

"How is it that you can tell?" My gaze lingered over my fingers as they knotted between each other.

"Your eyes are red, and there is trace of the Sandman in them." He allowed a short chuckle at the end. "and you maintain the same look in your eye that you possessed yesterday. Certain looks in the eyes are washed away through the tides of sleep, yet yours is not." Was it truly that plain to see? It were not as if he did not already know my tragedy, for it was just that he was helping me search for, but I wish he knew only the words I spoke, and not the thoughts that created them. He was still a stranger to me, and yet it seemed there was nothing he did not know about me. Something about him was familiar, but I could not place it in my mind.

"I see." Was all I could muster. He continued to look at me, making me shift uncomfortably.

"Have we met before? Before yesterday, I mean?"

"I don't believe so, maybe. Why?"

"You seem familiar to me. What did you say your name was again?"

"Bella Masen." I answered, holding back the twinge of pain that came with it.

"May I ask your maiden name? We live so close to the other, we may have run into the other once or twice." It was hard to imagine not remembering someone like Jacob, so tall and so strange in appearance.

"Bella Swan."

"Ah, the police chief's daughter, are you not?" Rolling my eyes as his smile revealed two rows of pearly teeth, most likely in amusement of my reaction.

"There are no secrets in small towns, are there?"

"Well, yes, but I know you because my father, Billy Black was your father's old fishing mate, Charlie, right? How is your father, by the way?" So it had come to this. He was right, the names fit together perfectly, even remembering the man in the wheelchair in my father's home years ago, and now I had to tell this man of his death, as well as telling myself.

"He passed away about a year ago of a heart attack." Jacob's smile faded suddenly, though this was appropriate, I did not like the sullenness in his face. The warmth of his smile seemed to warm me, and when it disappeared it left me blank and cold.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Let's just talk about something else please. Like where we are going perhaps." I replied, with a hint of teasing in my voice, making him suppress another grin. Success! The smile returned.

"Well, it is a town in the region of Bordeaux, where we will deboard. From there, we take a car past the city limits and into the warzone. That is when it gets complicated." His face fell, as did mine.

"Complicated...how?"

"These areas are not permitted to be open to citizens-they will try to turn us away if we are not disguised." Jacob paused, then upon my look, continued as he leaned closer to the table, lowering his voice. "we have acquired a military vehicle and some uniforms. The only problem is that no women are enlisted in the military."

"So? We put my hair up, a hat over that, dress me in a uniform, put some dirt on my face and be done with it." My stubbornness was often found to be rude, and rarely did I let it show in the company of anyone other than Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, or Edward. Oh, my dear Edward, how I missed him so.

"The men do more checks than that alone. We have had identity tags made like the ones they have in the military. They are silver colored with names stamped in them, and connected..."

"Connected to a thick chain. It also states their blood type." I finished for him.

"I almost forgot, you are an army wife."

"Not only that." My finger wound around the tag that hung around my neck, withdrawing it from behind my blouse. Jacob looked confused, his eyes puzzled at the sight.

"Your husbands?" Was all he said.

"The one that he 'lost' before he was issued a new one." The train was now at full speed, gently rocking from side to side, rumbling the salt shakers and the vase on the table. The scenery blurred past the window, making the vision outside the glass a whirl of green and brown.

"Well, I suppose you could pass for an..." he looked at the necklace more carefully to read the name. "Edward Masen. Keep your hat down, and we should be fine."

"I really appreciate all that you are doing for me, truly." Folding his arms across his chest and leaning back into his seat, he replied.

"No problem. Nice to see a new face around here."

Hours passed, and though we mostly talked about insignificant subjects, of our childhood games and such. Sometimes we came across the topic of my friends and husband, but after I refused to speak of it it no longer was part of the conversation. After time passed, Jacob fell into a slumber, making him snore softly. I believe I too fell asleep, for before I knew it Jacob was shaking me awake at our stop. He led me to a dusty, black car and sat me inside it, leaving me in the passenger seat with his father in the back. He drove well for his young age, although I could not shake the sensation that his father was glaring at the back of my head.

Two or three hours passed, with the radio tuned to a classical station the countryside passed from breathtaking to heartbreaking. We were not yet at our destination, yet there were so many hungry people, and so many shattered buildings and ruins of previous ones. Edward was right, for no roses grew here. In fact, nothing here grew at all. Anguish filled me when I made the realization that this could be the very road my Edward traveled. I was then elated with this realization for two reasons, the first was that I was nearing him, and the second because it was as if he left part of him behind as he walked. If only I could know for certain that there would be something to find.

As the sun began to slide down the arc of the atmosphere, making it's way toward the horizon as it hung in the sky, a small cabin came into view. Jacob ushered me in, and then helped his father as well. Asking me to wait outside for a few moments to tell his friends of my presence, and then introduced me to the numerous tall men inside.

"Bella Swan, er, Masen, this is Sam Uley, Embry Call, Quil Ateara, and Paul Stevens." Hands were shaken, and Billy was wheeled in. "Alright, here are the uniforms in the closet, the spare will be worn by Bella, and don't worry, she has an ID, long story, and we will need some dirt..."

"I'll do it!" Quil volunteered. I took him for an outdoors person.

"Okay, Bella, you can change in here-" He said as he led me toward a bathroom."and we will fix your face when you are ready. You can leave your clothes in there."

"Thanks." was all I could say. He had done so much for me, thanks was not enough. The men were strange, all bearing high temperatures of at least one hundred degrees, and all were gigantic in height and muscle, taking up all of the free room in the tiny cabin.

I dressed in the camoflage, rolling up the pants and sleeves to allow my hands to peek through, and so my feet would not catch on the pants. That would be the last thing I would need while searching for my husband, to trip amongst the foliage.

"Chin out." Jacob asked as he began to paint on the mud and dirt. He traced his index finger across my forehead, leaving behind brown lines across my pale skin. His eyes were intense and concentrated, looking only above my eyes as I watched him. The dexterity in his hands were incredible compared to their size, and despite the heat, were incredibly gentle. Dipping his fingers back into the dirt, he brushed his thumb along my cheek, painting on the soil. His other fingers rested underneath my jawline, holding my face level with his as he brushed my cheek. After a few moments, it seemed as if it stroked the same pattern over and over, until no dirt was left, leaving only his hand along my face. The shattered heart within my chest began to beat, my pulse raced and my fingers itched. My breaths sped, and grew deeper.

No. I told myself. I could not be responding this way. I love Edward, this is why I was here with Jacob. Irony in its finest hour. I could not slow the beating of my heart, but I could draw my eyes away. The onyx eyes before me were widened in surprise, and a hint of fear, yet quickly looked away as my eyes fell to the floor.

"I am a married woman, Jacob. I love my husband dearly, I am sorry." I whispered.

"No, Bella, it is me that should apologize." He got up from his chair, and walked me toward the rest of the group that was huddled in the living room. Angry tears flooded my eyes; guilt scratched my my soul, scraping any comfort any that I once felt in Jacob. How could I have considered adultery? It would only have been a kiss, though that would still be harsh on its own. I loved Edward. I would never love Jacob, no matter how long I would have to search for my husband. I had come too far and suffered through too much to fall in love with someone else. I would not allow it.

"Jacob, ready to leave?" Sam asked him.

"Yes. Let's go." He would not meet my gaze, and I was thankful for it. I could not even bring myself to look at him, nor should I want to. Was that was this world had become for me? Between one man and another? Between accepting Edward's death or searching for him? By leaving my friends to search for him that would never do the same to me? Both fates terrible, both deserving. When had life become so harsh? More importantly, when would the misery end? Even more importantly, how? With the findings of my husband, or my death?

An army truck was parked outside of the cabin, awaiting us to climb into it. It was painted a soft green, matching its surrounding environment, matching my clothing. I held onto the identity tag that hung around my neck, watching as the light glistened on the silver tag. I read over the letters over and over, reading the name of my love that I would borrow in a few hours time. Sam helped me up into the back of the truck and sat me down on the bench. We rocked side to side as the road disappeared into a rocky ground. Through the jolts and jerks of the ride, all I did was repeat the procedure in my mind.

_Car pulls over, soldier searches car, soldier checks ID's, leaves, head toward battlefield. Pulls over, searches car, checks ID's, battlefeild. Puls over, searches, ID's, battlefield..._

No matter the number of repetitions, I could not prepare myself for the nerve-wracking event to come. The sun spread its orange glow into the darkening sky, reflecting onto the clouds above. Dark outlines of bare trees scraped across the purple dome of the earth, creating a stunning contrast of the satin sky and serrated sharpness of the trees. Sating and knives creating something beautiful. Imagine that. The rumbling slowed, and voices were heard outside.

"Regardez-vous le voiture! Allez! Allez!"

_Look at the car! Go, go!_

A man's footsteps were heard outside the car, and my heart began to race, erasing any other sound from my senses. The soldier could be seen at the back of the truck, stepping up into it. My breath quickened as he searched the car. _Thump thump. Thump thump. Breathe in, breathe out. Thump thump. Thump thump._His stone cold face was barely visible in the dim light, and for a reason I knew not of, my eyes searched for his name embroidered on his uniform For some strange reason, I was surprised when it did not read Carlisle Cullen.

"Votre noms?"

_Your names?_

"Je m'appelle Jacob Black, il s'appelle Sam, Quil, Embry, Paul, et Edward." Jacob's tongue twisted through the French words with grace as the soldier checked their tags, and approached me.

_My name is Jacob Black, his name is Sam,etc..._

As the soldier read the tags, he read off their names. The last name he called was that of Embry Call, who sat directly beside me.

"Monsieur?" The French soldier asked for my tag. I showed it to him, and he looked me over. "Monsieur Edward Masen?"

"Oui." I replied in my most husky voice. His eyes met mine, and looked over me once more. After what seemed like an eternity, he nodded in approval, and waved the truck through. Sighing in relief, I watched the sun set. Eventually the car came to a stop, and the day of travel finally came to an end.

All that was left to do was search for the man that I loved. Now was the time when I would know if he was alive or dead, and just then something inside began to hurt. There was no avoiding the inevitable now, only fate. Was I ready to find if he was alive or dead? What if not knowing was better? What if he were dead, and there was nothing to find? Only time would tell. Oh, how I hated time.


	12. One Day Far in the Future

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 12- One Day Far in the Future

My feet ached, my neck sore from holding my head above my shoulders, and my hands were blistered raw. My knees hurt with the pressure of the uneven ground, ankles twinging with stabbing pains from being twisted on various rocks and potholes. My body was withered into a mere fleshy core of pain and shattered nerves. I should have been a wreck. I should have been collapsing in agony. I should not have been able to search ruins from dusk to dawn and longer still with the condition my body was in. Although it could not be true, it would never stop being so.

Strangely, yet truthfully I felt no outer pain. No part of my physical being was hurting, though blood escaped the capture of my broken blood vessels, and though my skin was raw and torn, and though I often grew dizzy and tripped, I felt none of the signals being sent by my desperate nervous system. The anguish became my demise. Every corner that had proven to be empty, every field that had no tracks of army boots in the dirt, every injured, yet living, soldier that could not possibly be Edward had deadened another part of me, diminished another shred of hope, ended another wisp of coming closer to him. Edward was here, somewhere, in the war-torn countryside of France, and I was now nearer to him than I have been for nearly a year, and I have never felt farther away from him.

Anguish overwhelmed me as my ties to my love were slowly being cut, as if it were once a rope being whittled down into a few strands of thread barely clinging onto the weights on either side. Gravity dared them to hold on, fate taunted them with wisps of hope, and destiny kept silence. It was not feasible that those strands would survive, but they would never surrender, even if it ended in the tear of those last bonds. As long as they remained, I would do all that I could to protect them, and keep them strong.

Nights passed with furious sobbing, enough to make my shoulders shake and my lips and eyelids quiver, and enough for Jacob to wake from the sounds and come to comfort me. Many times during the summer that was nearing the last weeks of July, the tall man of red skin put his arms around my shoulders and wiped the nearly constant stream of tears from my eyes away from my face with his thumb that nearly stretched across the entire width of my cheek. The touch of his skin to mine had become almost routine, comfortable, and almost expected when he came to me. Ever since that day when our lips nearly met, the awkwardness had faded, and he resumed his place of being the man who would lead me to my husband, my love, my eternal happiness, and would help me retain my sanity along the way. He told me once that he described it as his duty to wake and comfort me, and dry my tears in the dead of morning as a parent does with their child.

"If I return you to your husband in a frenzied state, how would I account for such a fate? I would not have fulfilled my duties, not completed my task." Jacob's soothing voice had spoken.

"Your task, which is?" I had asked.

"To keep you safe along the way of finding you husband. That includes your mind as well."

I noticed then that he never spoke Edward's name. He knew it by heart, for he had spoken of him to one of his colleagues, and was forced to whisper his name. I had always pronounced that harmonious word with such delicacy, and he with such distaste. To be honest, it made my spine quiver, as one might when they hear an angel howl in terror, or a murderer of thousands laughing like that of a child. I told myself it was only because he had not met Edward, and if--_when_, when he met him he would think of him differently, but I knew better. He always said 'your husband' as if reminding himself I were wed. As if he were reminding me as well, though I was not in need of it in the slightest. My memory was just as good as ever, and my tears were thicker than ever as well. I could never, would never, say this to him, but he would be better off if he were not to fall in love with me, for I could only break his heart.

If--_**when**__, _when I found Edward I would sink into his arm's embrace, and never let go while Jacob watches mournfully from a distance, his heart breaking. If I should not find my love, or if I should, but not in the state I would accept, there would only be one thing left for me to do, and he could not stop me from doing so. There was no me without him, and there was no existence for me without him even with Jacob. I could not live with the pain, and if I could not end the pain in some way or another, I would end the life that committed me to this anguish. Without my eternal love, there would always be such pain, no matter how I could ever care for Jacob. Even if I could love Jacob, he would be no Edward.

I could not adore his black hair as much as the bronze that I ran my fingers through. I could never gaze into his dark, onyx eyes like I did with those of melon-green. I could never wrap my arms around his tall frame like I did Edward's slightly shorter one. I could never fall in love with Jacob. I could love him, that would be simple, but I could never be _in_ love with him. My heart would never be his, for what part of it had not already crumbled was locked away with Edward.

What was I to do? I could not allow Jacob to fall further in love with me, that would be neglect. If I were to tell him about my pain, and that I could never bond with another like I had with my love, it would only hurt him when he need not be. I never lead him to think that I was interested in him in anything more than companionship, or business even, at that, so what had it been to lead his heart to me? I was never very pretty, despite how often my love had called me beautiful, especially now with the stress of travel and hardship. I was not alluring, but was instead, plain and dull. I was broken, and had nothing to give. My lack of coordination was mere stupidity not charm, and there was nothing unique about me but the fact that I was undeniably selfish and unworthy of all the extraordinary things that I had once possessed; a house, friends, and a duty, all of which I left to search for someone who may never be found.

How wicked of me! All I did was hurt, and because of why? What excuse had I for an explination worthy of these sins? My anguish? Since when had that become reason enough to cause others the same pain that I ran away from? I was so foolish! I was sinister! I was--I was cruel. I hurt Alice and Rosalie in their time of need. I hurt Jacob when all he ever wanted was to love me, and for me to love him. I hurt myself by telling myself I was worthy of a happy ending. Ha! Even if I was deserving, what allowed me to think that I would receive such a gift when others who were selfless and kinder than I did not? What a different person I had become. What a detestable person I had come to be.

As long as I had ruined my life coming here, I might as well not let it be for nothing. I would search, and one day I would die. And one day, I would be back in his arms. And one day, I may be able to apologize for all those terrible things I had done, and all those crimes of the heart I had committed. One day. One day far in the future where time no longer exists.

Some people asked their religious leaders about many trivial things in Heaven; was there food? Were their childhood pets waiting for them? Were there books in Heaven? Were there any clothes in any color besides white in Heaven? I had once been one of those people who wondered about such things, but only wondered about one in particular at this moment. Was there Edward in Heaven? Would he be there, waiting for me? That was if I deserved to go to Heaven even. Of course, not that it would matter were I alone. There was only hell without Edward.

What a contrast! Eternal paradise with my love, and forever greiving in the fiery depths of hell without. It seemed my life were only made of two extremes; bliss and despair.

What if I had married someone average instead? Someone from finishing school, perhaps. Someone as dull as myself. Suppose I had never fallen in love with Edward, and nor did he? Would the time we spent without acknowledge of the other's existence, the absence of all those wonderful times that were now only memories, would the lack of those joyful times be worth it if it meant not feeling pain I felt now? Sure, I would never trade my love for Edward, he was more than worth it. My heart yearned for him, begged to be nearer to him. And yet, my organs that were being eaten away by physical pain desperately wished for the dream to be a reality. If I had never met him, and remained entirely average, and empty without him.

I shared the same emptiness that I had before we met, but maybe the reason that it hurt more severely now was because I had felt what it had been like when it was sealed. Perhaps the absence of pain is only realized when it returns.

Worry not, my love, for I shall always love you. Even if it could be that I could choose, I would never have it any other way. My Edward, I love you forever. Only forever is not long enough to be with you.

Orange rays of sunlight began to illuminate the violet skies, alerting me that it was time again to search. Jacob promised me that we would look somewhere new, somewhere in the heart of the dangers that lay amongst the fields. He was reluctant to do so, but it was the last place to look. I could not determine if his fear was based upon intimidation, true terror, or superstition. Often times Jacob would become angry, and his hands would begin to shake. Most of the time, he calmed himself so he would become functional once more, but sometimes Quil or Embry would take him outside in a rush, as if he were a bomb waiting to explode.

How strange these boys were! I thought to myself as I dressed in the camouflage I had become familiar with. Always running temperatures in full health, eating more in one meal than I eat in an entire day, even with an appetite, and those mysterious shakes. Of course, no one else thought anything of it. I was the only one who thought the trembled peculiar. Though they thought them normal, they also thought them dangerous, and were wary of them. Sam Uley was a strange one, too. He watched over the men not as a father, but as a military commander, only with more power. As if his judgement meant something beyond my understanding. Maybe my impaired observations and mental calculations were to blame, but I was observant enough to see the look in Jacob's eyes when he believed himself to let something slip that should have remained secret from me.

"Bella, are you ready?" Jacob Black's voice was muffled from outside the door.

"Only a moment longer." I answered, pulling on my jacket and hat.

"We have breakfast on the table for you when you are ready."

"Don't wait for me, now. You are all very hungry, I will not keep you." There was a pause before his reply.

"We already ate. It is just for you."

"Oh. I hope I didn't put you out..."

"Stop it, Bella. You're no trouble. Just make sure you eat, and all of it, too. We have a long day."

"Alright. I suppose I cannot argue with that, now can I?"

"No. I will see you soon." He did not chuckle like I wanted him to at my last response. Utterly serious, his footsteps were heard walking away from my door. I blamed it on the location we would be visiting. Whenever my thoughts wandered there, my spine shivered in anticipation. It was as if today were important. Maybe it would be the day we find something once and for all. Even a trace. Even a shoelace would do. At least it would be something.

I sat at the little round table, the others preparing for the day ahead. Only Jacob sat before me, interlacing his fingers, mentally pacing. I watched him as I brought the bread to and from my mouth, knowing he would force me to if I did not. Heaven knew he was strong enough, and I was no match. I never was.

"What troubles you?" I asked him between mouthfuls.

"Just eat." He dismissed. Had I said something in my sleep to offend him? Had I spoken my conscious thoughts aloud through my unconscious dreams?

"I will only eat once you have told me." I said stubbornly. Jacob tilted his head, and rolled his eyes.

"Bella, please."

"No." Sighing, he gave in.

"It is only that this place we are going to, well, it is quite near to a town, surrounded by one, actually, and well, if something dangerous is there, we cannot escape."

"Something dangerous, like what?"

"Something that will kill us in an instant, most likely." I shuddered at the thought of seeing Jacob killed.

"Then, why is it that you think Edward would be there?"

"Just eat, Bella." I surrendered, and nibbled on my bread. Why would he be somewhere where dangers that could instantly kill me were lurking, and he still alive? How would he come to be there anyways, what with the war? I supposed there would have been plenty of battles there as were there everywhere else we went, but it still did not easily comprehend with me. I was incredibly frustrated. Very little made sense to me these days, and no one would care to clarify, and in fact, only placed more obscurities to worsen the situation. Damned irony!

We traveled in silence, the only one speaking was Sam. He assigned us the region of the location to search today, and told us where we would make camp. The area was rather large and would take a week to search. I did not mind. It was another week that could lead to another answer, happy or horrifying. Either way, it was better to know. Was it not? Was it better to hold onto some thread of hope, or better to know that they were dead? Neither sounded appealing. To the opposite, they both sounded utterly appalling.

"Wake me when we are there." I asked Jacob as I leaned my head against his hot shoulder.

"Sure."

The truck shook left to right with the rocks in the road, and jolted me awake with a start.

"Mmm, Jacob?" I mumbled.

"It's alright, Bella. We're almost there."

"Where is there?"

"It is a rural area north of a small town, east of another, west of a slightly larger town, and south of an even smaller one. We are in the Bermuda Triangle of battlegrounds." What I asked next, I hadn't a clue as to why I did.

"Jacob? Do you believe I will find him today?"

"I hope not." This startled me.

"Because you will believe him to be dead?"

"No. Because if he is alive here, it will be far worse."

"I am ashamed of you! Hating him because you love me! How incredibly selfish of you!" I whispered harshly to him. He had gone too far this time.

'"Bella relax! That is not why!"

"Then do you mind explaining yourself?"

"I hope not because if he is there and alive, you may not live to have your happy ending."

"How do you mean? What is the difference here and somewhere else?"

"Why do you have to know this?"

"Because if I truly am about to die, would you not feel guilty if you did not tell me?" I was impressed at how quickly I was able to answer his questionings.

"Fine then! Because if he is here, than he will be the danger you are in! I cannot tell you why, but if we find him here alive, unless he is not alone, or unless he is, depending on who he is with...he may be our greatest threat." My anger faded into betrayal. I could not believe he was truthful in this. I refused to.

"I hate you Jacob."

"I love you Bella."

"So do I."

Chilling. Against all I believed in. Though not my greatest love, it was love none the less. There was no denying it. He knew I could not stay. He knew I could not be with him. I loved Jacob and Edward, but Edward could be my only reason for living.


	13. Next To Last Day of Searching

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 13- Next To Last Day of Searching

Nearly a week had passed, and not one trace of my love had been found. Bootprints were seen in the mud, but none were unique enough to be identified to any individual, and every path had ended abruptly at the corpse who had once walked in the shoes they had died in, or in marks that revealed they had been dragged away...

Jacob had tried to shelter me from these horrifying sights, but not even he could attempt to free my mind from the visions that haunted me. Apparently my imagination had increased over the last months, and could not rival Stephen King's terrifying novels. Of course, this was far worse than any fiction. This was not something that could be written, only experienced. The area we had to search was diminishing rapidly, and with it the hope of finding Edward. My heart had been holding out for this, and when it was over, I feared that if he were not here, he wasn't anywhere, and that was the same idea that Jacob had given me. He tried too hard to protect me, and gave me false hope. I guessed he was trying to prolong the inevitable--that of my death with that of my love's.

I did not commit myself to this grim fate yet, but I could no longer block it out. I began to think of the consequences, and how I would go about doing it. Would I wait until I came back home, or end it all here? Would first I write Alice and Rosalie? Or would Jacob's hand be forced to tell them of my death? No, I could not do that to them. How would they fare knowing that not only Jasper and Emmett had passed, but myself as well? Could I keep myself alive without Edward for them? Of course, it would not be the Alice and Rosalie I once knew. No, these women would be scarred by the same pain as I, and none of us would ever be the same. How many lives could be destroyed with the presence of a letter! How dismal it all was! How my life had been lived before I had even a chance to change my fate!

Kneeling in the dirt, my hands covered my eyes from the mid-day sun, and the tears the light reflected off of. Of course, Jacob had no reason to ask what pained me, he knew as well as I. When the loss of my Edward drew tears from my eyes, Jacob made no effort to touch me. It seemed he learned too late how broken I was, and how the only strength I possessed was in my knees, and my facade that had crumbled.

"We only have one more day after this, and we need your eyes, Bella. Just a few more hours and you can sleep." He said as he strode past me. He was not being inconsiderate, for I had been crying more often than I was not, and he had no reason to put up with me anymore. Sniffling, I forced myself up and dried my eyes, and started again to search. Lagging toward the back end of the party, Embry put his hand to my shoulder in an effort to help me keep up.

"Don't mind him, he's cranky. Look, if we haven't found him yet, there are more chances that we will find him." He said to me with sincerity in his voice.

"But there are chances greater that we may never find him at all." My cynicism was unveiled.

"But he is not the only one we seek. There are his friends, two more of them. Should we find something of theirs, we could find them, and then find your Edward."

"You do not have to cheer me up, Embry. I know the odds, and I know the time is running out." He then did something I did not expect. He whirled around, stopping me, and looking me square in the eye, his long, dark hair blowing sideways in the wind.

"Look, maybe this is none of my buisiness, but don't give up before there is any reason to! Just keep searching, and mourn Edward when he is dead, not before."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. That is my point."

I did not take his words to heart, for it could bear no more strain. Instead, I just kept moving, as I had always done. The sky had just began to darken when Jacob distributed the sandwiches that would be all our dinners would consist of. As he handed mine to me, his eyes evaded mine. I could not think of anything I had done that could be considered offensive to him, but then again, I was not him. I would never know what he was thinking, nor would anyone else. As I ate, my knees were curled to my chest and my back leaned against a very unstable rock. After I took my last bite, I stood, and kicked the stupid rock. It rolled toward the right, and revealed a small gap. Suddenly, the rocks above began to tremble.

Only two rocks were positioned abobe the smaller one I had kicked aside. I had never seen any quite like them before--they were nearly flat, almost disk-like, and their faded gray color did not match the black walls of what looked to be a cave behind them. A shiver ran down my spine as I considered the fact that they may have been moved there. It was not possible, I told myself. No one could be strong enough to lift those rocks that towered above me, could they?

Standing before the rocks, petrified in fear, a burning hot arm snatched me from the site of danger, and swept me to safety a few yards away. It was Jacob, of course. He always teased me about being a danger to myself, and never let me forget my clumsiness. Now there was no denying it; only I could send two rocks weighing tons upon tons crashing to the ground where I once stood with minimal effort.

"What the hell were you thinking? You could have killed yourself!" He yelled at me, his dark eyes furious.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to." Jacob sighed, and released me from his iron grip.

"I know." He stared into my eyes for a moment, then broke our gaze as he felt himself leaning toward me. The worst part of it was I was leaning in too. Yet again, I had betrayed Edward. I was unfaithful without being unfaithful, because I almost allowed it to occur. I was a terrible lover, for if Edward knew, his heart would surely be broken, and I would be the cause of his heartbreak, just as I was with Jacob. I loathed myself, and the only way to escape myself was to search for the man I loved, the only task I knew how to do anymore.

I stared at the stones, stepping on them as they lay flat against the shaken ground. They must have been three feet in thickness, possibly more, and about ten feet high. Though not perfectly round, they appeared as though they could be easily rolled, like the cavemen did when they invented the wheel. Checking behind me, my eyes scanned the camp. The rest of the Quileutes, including Jake, had resumed eating, as they could never be full, and were otherwise completely occupied.

I did not know why, but I felt as if I were a child in disobediance to his or her parents, though I should not have been. I was an adult, and had no authority presiding over me. That was not how it felt, ridiculous as it was, but it was true.

Indeed, it was a cave. The mouth stretched open into a pitch-black abyss, that even when I shone my flashlight through it, was still dark in the sort of 'impending doom' way. The beam of light was pointed at the ground before my feet as I carefully stepped through the unfamiliar, and rocky floor, holding my left arm out in balance. As I stumbled through the cave, other rustling noises were made apparent from what I assumed to be from the back of the cave.

My heart began to race as adrenaline pulsed through my veins. My palms were sweating, and my eyes were widened in fear and in attempt to see.

_Bella..._

Whipping my head behind me, I could not find the source of the call. The voice was beautiful, rhythmic, but that of a ghost's. The walls echoed the sound, making it swirl around my head. Was this the break of my sanity?

_Bella..._

It called again. My heart pounded against my chest plate, and my legs jolted into a run, to where, I knew not. All I knew what was I was running from; sheer fear.

_Nooooo..._

The zombie-like groan made me shiver. I felt like one of those women in horror movies, the beautiful leading ladies that scream as they are backed into the corner, and that see themselves die in the reflection of their killer's eyes.

"Who are you?" My meek voice sputter out as I turned backwards and forwards, flashing my beam of light against the empty cave walls.

_I will kill her!!..._

The angry voice groaned once more, sending me into shock. My breaths were heavy and frequent as I ran, only to no prevail. I hadn't a clue where I was going, for the mouth of the cave was far away and with the dimming of the sun, impossible to see. Who knew how far inward I was. I could be in an insane asylum for all I knew, and perhaps I ought to have been. Sweat dampened my hair, and stung my eyes as I frantically ran around like a mouse from a cat. Only this mouse was blind. Only this mouse was me, and the cat was the mysterious voice inside my head.

I must have been running for a full half an hour before I succumbed to being lost inside this cave of terror. My arms and legs were scraped from running into and through rock, and my face was drenched in salty tears. This time I wished Jacob would find me; wrap his arms around me, and lie to me and say that everything would be alright. How many things I took for granted! However, this was no time for self punishment, this was a time to re-cooperate my sanity, and to find my way out of this labyrinth.

Curling my legs to my chest, I sat in a corner of the cave, huddling myself closer in the moist cold. My entire body shook in fright, and my sobs whimpered through my lips. As the trembles began to stop, perhaps an hour later, the startlingly beautiful and terrifying voice returned, only this time addressing me directly.

_Bella! GET OUT!! _

"No! Get out of my head!" I shouted at my schizophrenia.

_Get out!_

"Leave me alone! Help me..." I prayed to no one in particular, but one face appeared in my memory.

_Bella--leave now._

"I tried! Oh god, help me. Edward help me!" I squinted my eyes shut, and crossed my arms over my face.

_Try again! GET OUT!_ The voice screamed once more, jarring me enough to stand upright.

"Stay away from me! Oh Edward, help me Edward!" I yelled loudly enough for the name of my missing love to echo violently off the rocky walls. Again I raced around the cave, only this time nothing hindered my path. I kept running straight ahead, and tripped over unfamiliar stones, leading me to believe I was not running in a circle.

_No! _

I ignored the response this time, I kept running. No matter how fast I ran, or how much time past, I could not free myself. Would I be doomed to this dreadful place until the rescue of early dawn's light penetrated the darkness? Racing through the cave, the voice spoke to me once more.

_You ran the wrong way!_

I was nearing an end, I could feel it. Instead of turning around, I fixed the flashlight in my hand, and angled the beam before me. Turning the corner, I stared in horror at what I found, or rather, who I found.

Elation spread through me, and for the first time in a near year I was happy. My skin crawled, and my eyes widened. Now I had really become crazy. I could not have found my Edward, could I?

It was him, there was no denying it after a second look. He had the same, reddish brown hair, that only belonged to him. He had the same square jaw, the same muscular shoulders, only he was different in so many ways. His skin had whitened to become a sharp ivory, and his beauty had increased. I knew that after the reunification of lovers after a prolonged absence, one would look radiant to the other simply because of the time apart, but this was different. He had become inhumanly beautiful, as if it were too much for my eyes to intake, and substituted the best thing in comparison to it. His muscles had taken on more layers upon themselves, and had defined themselves in his shoulders and arms, visible even through his army uniform.

Despite these strange differences, there was only thing that I could not ignore, and that was not even only on his appearance. The only sight that truly made an impression on my memory, and it was that of three pairs of glowing, scarlet eyes.


	14. I Will Always Remember

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Summer of my Soldier

Chapter 14- I Will Always Remember

I stood in horror. Petrified, my feet did not allow me to move nor even think. It was no doubt my Edward, and there was no doubt that this sight was that of Alice's premonition. Now I understood her fright, and now I understood why she begged me not to come. I also understood why I _had _come. Still, despite the amount of terror I felt, the elation was stronger, and for a reason I did not understand, both my hands trembled as I smiled. I was terrified of my love, and yet I had never been happier to be in his presence. Edward was alive, no matter what form, and that was all that counted. Reminding myself to breathe, I felt the fear slowly wash away as my mind took hold of the fact that this man was my Edward. Knowing not what drove me to do so, I ever so slowly inched myself forward.

"Bella! Don't come any closer!" My heart swooned at the sound of his silky voice. He had grown more beautiful not only in appearance, but in sound as well. The beam of the flashlight shook in my trembling hand, illuminating two other pale forms beside him. I could not draw my eyes away from my stunning husband, curious as I was to his company.

"Edward." I sighed, contentness radiated through me. In a near trance, I kept nearing toward the red-eyed man that was my husband.

"Bella! You have to leave now!" Edward took one deep breath, and his head tilted back in what appeared to be ecstasy. Not understanding, I continued my movements.

"I am not leaving you, Edward." A hollow growl echoed against the rock walls, jarring me so that my feet remained in one place.

"You don't understand! I could kill you! Carlisle! Get her out of here!" My eyes welled with tears that cascaded down my saddened face. He wanted me to go? I did not believe my love had the capacity to kill me, for if he loved me even a fraction of how I loved him so, he never could commit such an act. He had to have been lying, but to hide what? Was it that he did not want me? Had the terrors of war or length of time away from each other altered his heart in such a way that he know longer loved me? Had he stopped writing on his own accord, and appeared to have gone missing to avoid coming home to me? Perhaps this was the punishment for my wickedness and cruelty, that I travelled all this way to find my love loved me no longer. It seemed that fate was harsh in its punishment, I was not that bad, was I? Was anyone deserving of this punishment?

Then the name he had spoken replayed itself in my memory. _Carlisle._ It was his commanding officer he called for. I was so deep in confusion! All I could do was stand there like a fool, scared, uncomprehending, and my heart both breaking and swelling at the same time. At that moment a bright flash of white appeared at my side, making me jump sideways half a foot at the least. A cold, stone grip rested on my shoulders, not allowing me to move. Beside me stood an eerily handsome man, his golden hair glimmering in the light of my flashlight, nearly the same color as his amber eyes. He had the same ivory skin, and his chilling touch reflected this well.

"Jasper, control yourself." The man beside me ordered as my heart began to race, and my nerves began to fray in anxiety. Jasper? Alice's Jasper?

"Jasper? Jasper is here?" I asked, not hiding any of my thoughts, for there seemed no reason to now. In this odd scenario, nothing withheld or permitted to be said would really make a difference. Either way, this was insanity in its finest hour, though it still felt so real.

"Shh, Bella, let me take you outside, I cannot explain here." Carlisle whispered soothingly into my ear, though it did not ease my soul.

"No. I am not leaving Edward."

"You are not safe here, trust me. If you do not come willingly, I will have to force you, now I do not want to do that, so please..."

"No! I have searched for too long to just leave him!"I yelled at him, my angry voice repeating itself through the echo.

"Bella, please. For me." Edward pleaded, his face twisted in agony and his hands latching himself onto the rock he leaned against. This I could not deny him, there was nothing he could ask me that I would not do everything in power to have accomplished. I could not answer him. Instead, I reluctantly stomped off in the direction that the mysterious Carlisle lead me in. We approached the mouth of the cave, and I stopped him in remembrance of the Quileutes outside.

"Don't worry, Bella, there are not here."

"How did you..."

"Look, there are many things to say and very little time in which to say them." He continued to lead me out of the cave, and walked me about thirty feet from the mouth of the cave until we could seat ourselves atop two large rocks.

The sky was still a deep purple, and not one ray of orange light had penetrated through the horizon. The camp looked hastily packed, and there was no trace of Jacob left in the path of dusty clearing. It seemed that they had forgotten about me, and did not even make the slightest effort to find me. I was now more glad than ever that I did not fall in love with Jacob Black, for it were as if he decided he loved me, and then the moment I was truly threatened, I was not worth the effort and time needed to be found. With Edward rejecting me and Jake leaving me, I was hardly cared for at all. With those thoughts, the last of my heart cracked and crumbled away.

As the last living part of me died inside my chest, Carlisle began his explanation.

"Bella, I can understand how hurt you must feel, but I swear to you that there is a reason based upon life or death that hurts you. Your husband, Edward, as well as Jasper and Emmett were severely injured after an explosion about fifty miles west of here. There was only one way that I could save them. My dear, do you believe in vampires?"

My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat. Not too long ago I had read the famed novel _Dracula_by Bram Stroker, and easily recalled subtle facts about the fictional Count. He had pale skin, razor blade-like teeth, and glimmering ruby colored eyes. Though I had never thought anything more of it than a somewhat cheesy, yet classic, horror story, now it all seemed to fit. Carlisle spoke of many things, all the things that made up their appearances, of their eyes, of their strengths, of these strange abilities Jasper and Edward possessed, and of...their diets. He told me that it was incredibly difficult for him not to kill me, and not just to kill me, but not to drink my blood.

I could not describe the strange feelings that immersed me into confusion, more like an out-of-body experience that seemed more a dream, or a nightmare in this case, than reality. Of course, this could not be a nightmare because Edward was here. Vampire or not, I loved him more than life itself, even if that meant that life for me would no longer be possible. If I could not live with him, I would not life at all.

"Carlisle? I don't care how dangerous he is, I love him more than anything. I am not leaving here without him."

"Bella, you have to understand, he could kill you in an instant, your blood smells better to him than any other's. He told me many things about you, as well as he loved you with all your heart, and wished that you never saw him again like this. He thinks himself a monster, and he does not want to risk your life anymore than I want him to. I know how much you love him, but three newborn vampires can be incredibly difficult to control. I am afraid I cannot let any of them be in the presence of humans until they are under control.You see, it was Edward's voice warning you to stay away. He was afraid he would kill you."

"And how long will that take? I will wait here with them."

"It is hard to say, everyone is different. While I am a doctor and can be in the presence of blood with no temptation, I have lived this way for three hundred years. For Edward, I believe before he could be with you without the temptation to kill would be at least a decade..."

"Ten years? That long? Carlisle, I cannot wait that long. Isn't there any other way?" I pleaded with the vampirian doctor. I paused for a moment, thinking. "Make me a vampire." I looked him in the eye as I said this, trying to decode his expressions with no luck. Apparently he was good an actor as he was a doctor.

"WIth respect, this is not something I do because someone asks for it. This was the only way to keep them alive."

"And what is the point of letting them live for the people they love if they could not be alive to share life with them? Perhaps life is the wrong word, but what about Jasper and Emmett's loves? Alice and Rosalie? They would give anything to be with the men they loved, even if it meant this existence. You are married, aren't you? Edward spoke of her."

"Esme." He answered. "Her name is Esme."

"Is she...?" I could not speak the words.

"Yes. She had fallen from a cliff, and would not have lived otherwise."

"How would you feel if it were she that was a...vampire...and you were a mere human? What would you do in my place? If there is any other option, please share it." Carlisle sighed deeply, though he had no need for oxygen, and looked thoughtful for a moment. Strange as it was even for me to think of, I _wanted_to be a vampire. I wanted an eternity with Edward, to be forever young, and forever in love, and with my love. If I were to become a vampire, he could not, and would not want to, kill me. And what about Alice and Rosalie? Would they doom themselves to the same fate? Would we bring Carlisle to Forks, or them here?

It was all so bewildering, and yet as the sun had begun to rise, it was all so clear.

"I see your point." Carlisle stated. "You believe your friends will want the same fate as you?" He asked.

"More than anything."

"Well, if I should commit to doing so, and it would not please me, believe you that, then there are many details to attend to..."

"You will do it?" I asked, excited. I knew much was at stake, but if I were to remain human, it would be the death of me without Edward. Either way I was going to die, the only difference would be if I could spend my life-less existence in Heaven, or in paradise with my love.

"I cannot promise that. You will have to talk to Edward."

"If I speak with Edward, he could kill me."

"I will find a way. I promise." With that he left, and I was still sitting on the rock. So many things had changed, and I felt like there was nothing I could trust, like everything I knew could be a facade for something else. All I knew was my love and that I would do anything to be with him, even if it meant ending my life. However, something inside me told me that Carlisle would not change me unless I were dying, so I decided if he would not do so with me willing to give up living, he would be forced to unless he allowed me to die. I remembered Edward's ability, and that it was true he could not read my mind for a reason unknown to us, and then the two disk-like rocks. With that, a plan had formed, sick as it was.

"Carlisle?" I called into the cave about an hour later. He appeared only seconds later, a blur of gold and white.

"Yes?"

"I--I am a little worried about something. I think it could make Edward loose control."

"What is it?"

"Well, this makes me ashamed to speak of, but you are a doctor after all, well, what if he were to smell my blood? What would happen?"

"It is hard to say, but it would be nearly impossible for me to restrain all three of the newborns, why do you ask?"

"This is very embarrassing, but what if I were to bleed?"

"They would probably become riled up, you have not cut yourself, I would be able to smell it..I am confused." He admitted. Now it was time that I tried to make myself a convincing liar, something that would not be easy to do.

"But what if I were to...without cutting myself?" My face reddened as I spoke.

"How could you...oh." He said in realization of my femininity. "Ah, well, erm, that would be difficult...is there the uh, possibility of it...now?"

"I am afraid so." I could not believe I was speaking of such a personal thing with a stranger, untrue as it was. "Is there anything you can do?"

"I could put up the stones before the mouth of the cave, it could buy us a few seconds should anything happen...lock ourselves in, if you will, while we come to a decision."

"Is that all?"

"Unfortunately, yes." With that, he departed with a friendly smile, and heaved the large stones back onto their sides, and rolled them in front of the opening of the rocky cave. Sliding himself behind them, he reached out his ivory hands to pull the small, unstable rock where it had been before I kicked it, and set it in place, blocking off the entrance. I waited a moment to make sure he had walked back into the back of the cave before I approached the small rock. Poking it with my toe, it had wobbled as much as it had hours earlier.

I took one long, deep breath, and kicked the rock aside with little effort. Positioning myself so my head was clear of the stone disk, I shut my eyes, and waited for the pain.

"Bella!" An agonized cry came from my love, and then all was black.

* * *

**Epilogue**

Ten years had passed since the day I found my Edward. Nine years and three hundred-sixty two days passed since the day I was changed into a vampire. Nine years, three hundred-fifty one days had passed since Alice and Rosalie had arrived in France. Nine years, three hundred forty-seven days had passed since they too, were changed. Seven years had passed since we left Europe to live in Alaska with some old friends of Carlisle Cullen.

Ten years had passed and we did not grow old. Ten years passed and we did not sleep. Ten years passed, and we had weaned ourselves from human blood. Ten years had passed, and our eyes were glistening golden orbs. Ten years had passed, and our love only grew.

No matter how long we all live, I will always remember the summer that reunited me with Edward, and of the months we spent in each other's arms, refusing to let go even to hunt. No matter how long eternity will be for our coven named Cullen, I will always remember the summer of my soldier.

The End. The Beginning.


End file.
